__ VI. Wacky Macky
I first met Wacky Macky in a chat-room called, gainesvillebands.com. For those who type on a Littera 32, a chat-room is a computer trick-- a room that really doesn’t exist, where people can interact by leaving messages to each other that anyone else in the room can read. Simply put, it’s math with two numbers; zero and 1. And it’s on TV.
This fellow who started the room, Glyph, had some strong opinions about the local music scene. Let me introduce Shawn Spencer, a crafty scrappy genius of a sort who could con an Eskimo out of his igloo by saying, “Living inside of a house made of ice cubes ain’t gonna’ make you any warmer.” Then, he’d sell the ice cubes to a bamboo nursery and convince the proprietors that if they planted the ice, it would grow into gold and food.
And Shawn convinced me it would be worthwhile to make several full-length movies about the Florida Skunk Ape. For our third Skunk Ape Movie, The Bride of Gootis, he got me to commit a month of my life with this proposal:
“Hey Tom, I got this great idea. We do a Skunk Ape movie and there’s gonna’ be lots and lots of sperm. Sperm, everywhere! What do you think?”
“Let’s do it!” I said.
Shawn was with a talented singer/songwriter/musician named, for the purposes of Project r, Misty Mayhem. They were together, but they weren’t in love. Or were they? Reality intrudes. I don’t remember.
What I do remember is that together, Shawn and Misty had some pretty strong opinions about the local music scene, and their opinions were by and large dead set against Glyph’s opinions.
On gainesvillebands.com, Glyph’s music forum, Shawn and Misty would leave harassing insulting messages, and Glyph eventually had them banned from the forum. So Shawn created a false account under the name, Wacky Macky, and continued the harassment as if he were this new character.
Wacky Macky was a redneck nut job living in a trailer in the woods, using a cat box as a bathroom, and fighting all things wrong in America. Shawn and Misty would sometimes take turns playing the part of Wacky Macky, who wasn’t banned from the forum, and they would rib and harass and harangue Glyph to no end.
Each and every post began with the following words: “Hey, asshole!” Glyph found this thoroughly obnoxious.
One day, I was visiting with Shawn and Misty and they introduced me to Wacky Macky. I wasn’t sure why Glyph and Shawn/Misty had such a grudge, but it was sure fun to watch. Everybody slows down for a car accident.
Shawn said, “Hey Tom, write something to Glyph as Wacky Macky.” I was high, drunk, angry, and a provocateur-- why not? I didn’t even know where to begin. I had no background on the conflict. I just knew I had to be Wacky Macky and Wacky Macky had to be PISSED OFF!”
I helped Shawn and Misty develop the character. Where does he live? What does he look like? I found a picture of some mad-looking old redneck loon and made a Wacky Macky web site. I started writing to Glyph, whom I had not met at the time, and told him how in Wacky Macky’s America, “Hey, asshole! I’ll jam yer balls in a vice and POP them sons-o-bitches!”
HEY ASSHOLE...
Eventually, Wacky Macky was banned as well, but not before other people in the ‘room’ witnessing the back-and-forth began to opine as to who Wacky Macky might be. Nobody knew for sure. Was it Shawn Spencer? Misty Mayhem? Was it that rabble-rousing drunk punk-ass 80’s arts spectacle known as Tom Miller? Or was Wacky Macky a real crazy old coot who lived in a trailer in the woods?
And then, even I became unsure. Because sometimes, Shawn would write him, and if I followed up as Wacky Macky, I had to know what Shawn wrote before me so I could keep the dialogue consistent.
If Shawn wrote as Wacky Macky and said he lived in a trailer in the woods, I had to also live in a trailer in the woods. If Misty, writing as Wacky Macky, said Wacky Macky loved his dope, then I had to also love my dope.
I been living in this trailer for damn near when anything ever happened. When I was alive as Wacky Macky, I done wrote a blog and said what needed be saying, asshole!
HEY ASSHOLE! You here me? Ain’t no way but the Wacky way! When I was alive, I blogged right from the Bush administration and on through the election of our first black President, Obama. I ain’t no racist, I just don’t want it in the yard. I’m a wacky somabitch, maybe the wackiest there ever was. Hey asshole! I made a bloggin thing. If Shawn Spencer says I’m a racist, he just don’t know me like me do. He don’t know what no white independent thinker is smoking. And if that fag, Tom Miller says I’m a drinker, I might gonna’ go with that. I’m a white thinker, real deep in there. God, I don’t cotton to fags.
Hey asshole! I died ugly, but I mattered. Here’s my whole fuckin’ blog just as I wrote it, and I wrote I did it. I did. I. Me. My name is Wacky Macky, and I’m dead.
I first met Wacky Macky in a chat-room called, gainesvillebands.com. For those who type on a Littera 32, a chat-room is a computer trick-- a room that really doesn’t exist, where people can interact by leaving messages to each other that anyone else in the room can read. Simply put, it’s math with two numbers; zero and 1. And it’s on TV.
This fellow who started the room, Glyph, had some strong opinions about the local music scene. Let me introduce Shawn Spencer, a crafty scrappy genius of a sort who could con an Eskimo out of his igloo by saying, “Living inside of a house made of ice cubes ain’t gonna’ make you any warmer.” Then, he’d sell the ice cubes to a bamboo nursery and convince the proprietors that if they planted the ice, it would grow into gold and food.
And Shawn convinced me it would be worthwhile to make several full-length movies about the Florida Skunk Ape. For our third Skunk Ape Movie, The Bride of Gootis, he got me to commit a month of my life with this proposal:
“Hey Tom, I got this great idea. We do a Skunk Ape movie and there’s gonna’ be lots and lots of sperm. Sperm, everywhere! What do you think?”
“Let’s do it!” I said.
Shawn was with a talented singer/songwriter/musician named, for the purposes of Project r, Misty Mayhem. They were together, but they weren’t in love. Or were they? Reality intrudes. I don’t remember.
What I do remember is that together, Shawn and Misty had some pretty strong opinions about the local music scene, and their opinions were by and large dead set against Glyph’s opinions.
On gainesvillebands.com, Glyph’s music forum, Shawn and Misty would leave harassing insulting messages, and Glyph eventually had them banned from the forum. So Shawn created a false account under the name, Wacky Macky, and continued the harassment as if he were this new character.
Wacky Macky was a redneck nut job living in a trailer in the woods, using a cat box as a bathroom, and fighting all things wrong in America. Shawn and Misty would sometimes take turns playing the part of Wacky Macky, who wasn’t banned from the forum, and they would rib and harass and harangue Glyph to no end.
Each and every post began with the following words: “Hey, asshole!” Glyph found this thoroughly obnoxious.
One day, I was visiting with Shawn and Misty and they introduced me to Wacky Macky. I wasn’t sure why Glyph and Shawn/Misty had such a grudge, but it was sure fun to watch. Everybody slows down for a car accident.
Shawn said, “Hey Tom, write something to Glyph as Wacky Macky.” I was high, drunk, angry, and a provocateur-- why not? I didn’t even know where to begin. I had no background on the conflict. I just knew I had to be Wacky Macky and Wacky Macky had to be PISSED OFF!”
I helped Shawn and Misty develop the character. Where does he live? What does he look like? I found a picture of some mad-looking old redneck loon and made a Wacky Macky web site. I started writing to Glyph, whom I had not met at the time, and told him how in Wacky Macky’s America, “Hey, asshole! I’ll jam yer balls in a vice and POP them sons-o-bitches!”
HEY ASSHOLE...
Eventually, Wacky Macky was banned as well, but not before other people in the ‘room’ witnessing the back-and-forth began to opine as to who Wacky Macky might be. Nobody knew for sure. Was it Shawn Spencer? Misty Mayhem? Was it that rabble-rousing drunk punk-ass 80’s arts spectacle known as Tom Miller? Or was Wacky Macky a real crazy old coot who lived in a trailer in the woods?
And then, even I became unsure. Because sometimes, Shawn would write him, and if I followed up as Wacky Macky, I had to know what Shawn wrote before me so I could keep the dialogue consistent.
If Shawn wrote as Wacky Macky and said he lived in a trailer in the woods, I had to also live in a trailer in the woods. If Misty, writing as Wacky Macky, said Wacky Macky loved his dope, then I had to also love my dope.
I been living in this trailer for damn near when anything ever happened. When I was alive as Wacky Macky, I done wrote a blog and said what needed be saying, asshole!
HEY ASSHOLE! You here me? Ain’t no way but the Wacky way! When I was alive, I blogged right from the Bush administration and on through the election of our first black President, Obama. I ain’t no racist, I just don’t want it in the yard. I’m a wacky somabitch, maybe the wackiest there ever was. Hey asshole! I made a bloggin thing. If Shawn Spencer says I’m a racist, he just don’t know me like me do. He don’t know what no white independent thinker is smoking. And if that fag, Tom Miller says I’m a drinker, I might gonna’ go with that. I’m a white thinker, real deep in there. God, I don’t cotton to fags.
Hey asshole! I died ugly, but I mattered. Here’s my whole fuckin’ blog just as I wrote it, and I wrote I did it. I did. I. Me. My name is Wacky Macky, and I’m dead.