when the capsule had reached orbit around mars, the pilots began to issue instructions to the monkeys aboard. the silver door opened and a monkey treat floated out. this was the signal for kiko to engage the probe. kiko ate the treat and then began to pick dead skin off of bingo, who was delighted.
"try it again" said john jimjoe at command central. "Kiko was supposed to eject the probe and she's picking dead skin off of bingo and eating it." he pushed a lever, a signal was sent into space which reached the ship, the silver door opened and another monkey treat floated out.
bingo grabbed the treat and put it in his mouth. "eep eep eep" shouted kiko, which roughly translated means [that's my treat you stupid hairy toad.].
"Gaa. Ugh ugh oph oph eeep," replied bingo, which means [Me eat, my blue love shrimp moon give avocado car finger big]. kiko began to scream and claw and bite. bingo freaked out and pissed and shat and grunted. john jimjoe pushed the monkey-treat lever again and again in the hopes that the monkeys would remember their training, and treats began to float erratically around the capsule.
"we have shit in the air filter." said john. "repeat, shit in the air filter." the monkeys asphyxiated within twenty minutes, causing a 'negative mission outcome.'
"who trained these fucking monkeys anyway?" asked john.
"me did! me did...shrimp car finger blue green pie moon me," said Pollack bill, who then pissed and shit and picked dead skin from a sore on his elbow and ate it.
MORAL: capitalism does not work in a free democratic society. the only solution is Polish monkey anarchy.