Reinhard Palovcik and Tom Miller
_ DEATH CITY
Poems by Reinhard Palovcik
Edited by Tom Miller
© 2012 FREDInk Records
Volume I of III
Age
There is no longer a way
to hide her age
Creases deepen
Folds droop
Muscles weaken
Bones stoop
Crestfallen eyes
Tire with the light
Blink heavy
With approaching night
Her heart beats slowly
to the weary rhythm
Of monotonous days
spent in isolation
As her mind basks
in restful silence
Through scant thoughts
of his gentle touch
Love’s futile fingers
Have been severed
from the hand
that stroked
the locks of her hair
once so fair
Argugasm
The chewing crunch of cereal
Lips smacking milk
Grates on nerves
obscuring passion of the night before
The argument starts
On some irrelevant topic
checks
Loans
Bills of birds
And ascends on wings
Only to collapse into forgiveness
The slow unbuttoning conflict
Of hands to breasts
Accelerating in rhythm
To explode
Into that mutual argugasm
Art of Life
The art of life is to hurt
As many people as possible
Through a carefully constructed scenario
Partly not of our own choosing
Like Kennedy, with his reckless humanity
Or Elvis with his alluring hip shaking beat
Or Mishima with his family children and fame
Or Christ with his eternal goodness sacrificed
To ego political power
I chose to die by my own hand
But could not carry out the act
I wanted to go silently
Without all the fanfare
I wanted to simply end my life
Stop the beating heart
Quell the monsters in my mind
Eating away at my life
But I had too many friends
Had to live through the agony
of my wasted existence
Until finally the pain
Was too great
My writhing soul had fallen from grace
I no longer cared about their pain
Only my own
And in that most selfish of acts
I took my life
And left them with their pain
An infinitesimally small impact
On the seething population of billions
An unregistered impact
On love
Devotion
Life
City
Country
Earth
Planets
Stars
Solar systems
Star Clusters
Galaxies
Universe
And beyond creation
The great sexual bang
That is here
Now
In this space
Of perceiving mind
Blowing Fish
He stood up at the bar
Blowing fish and fries
Mixed with lime and beer
His aim was good
He missed his friends
Gagging and heaving
He was too drunk
To be embarrassed
In his foul brained
uncoordinated manner
He ordered another beer
to dispel the sickly sour
taste in his mind
These were friends
Who drilled holes into my skull
Four in front
To access frontal lobes
To destroy the emotional anguish
The hours of devotion and lust
The giving and taking of flesh
Two on each temporal lobe
To erase the memories
Lying in meadows among wildflowers
Basking in the warm breeze
Intimate seductive glands
Our shared bliss in bed
Two occipitally
To dissolve her image in my mind
The hair and teeth of my desire
The hips and breasts
They injected chemicals
That burned my brain
But I still loved her
With the rest of my brain
The parietal touch of your fingers
My motor cortex response
The deep brainstem pulsing to orgasm
These were still intact
They then shaved cortex from my brain
So that I could not move or sense
Deaf, dumb, and blind
No sense of smell or taste
No sense of touch
Yet buried deep
within that animal brain
My love and dedication were intact
It was only death that could part us
For but a brief time
Until we could be reunited in the spirit world
Turning in a mist
Ghostly images of our bodies
Copulating for ever and ever
Broken
All my hopes
all my aspirations
For that perfect expectation
of idealized love
To meet that ideal man
maybe tall
maybe dark
maybe even handsome
All these vanished
in the moment of his violation
He forced himself on me
I was too physically weak to resist
I screamed
I beat his shoulders
I said no no no no
Feeling his flesh inside me
Violating my innermoist sanctum
Now, I am a broken body
Broken dream
Cater
Cater to your love
Cater to your heart
Somehow the two
don’t merge into one
They’re living on the element
Of intrinsic separation
Separating song from feeling
Feeling from rants of song
Perceiving the element
Of pure instinctual perfection
Chords
Your cloying sucking depression
Clutches my heart with silken gloves
Caressing coronaries
in pulsive erotic grasp
To know that you love the ghost
Of Ian Curtis with his awkward dance
Yet projecting the most
Penetrating musical chords
If you have a common name
Your dick is bigger than most
Why else would all those names
appear in the directory
Death City
Silver smoke
streaming in jets
Passes over city blocks
shrouding bare brick
In a milky fog
The patterned blocks speak
of bleak industrial nightmare
food is flavorless
canned crudities
Drink flows from nonrecyclable
bottles of beer
Their only pleasure
is fornicating in small rooms
Their only hope
that the paycheck would never stop
Outside, cars burn slow
rumbling with putrid exhaust
Garbage piled in dumpsters
reeks of rancid repast
Gallons of shit and piss
are funneled through pipes
Coalescing into a sea of sewage
released to the ocean
The city sleeps by night
The fast pulse of ejaculation
fertilizes food for thought
A better life
for children born of gears
To find that narrow margin
That would free them
from a life of endless tears
Death Vine
As withered faces pass me on the street
My glance crosses theirs
Their drooping eye lids
Jowl sagging cheeks
Lines tracing life
are not mine yet
Their heavy arthritic limbs
Disk scoliated backs
Scarred feet
are not mine yet
With anguished stares
and trembling lips
They speak of my death
The creeping vine
that cannot be dislodged
From its hold on my life
Snaking tendrils through muscle and bone
With the slow incessant pressure of time
Cracking the cement
that holds my bricks together
The flower blossoms
And with each succeeding seed
Wipes clean another generation of memories
Tears from my mind another collection
of hopes and memories of what could have been
Disease
Take the name of any disease
Well in the pestilence of flesh
Viral swelling
or bacterial pus-suppurating lesion
On writhing limbs
Brain seizing in short circuit streak
Inner eating tissue
Doubt
I danced with knowledge
Fornicated doubt
After you left
I struggled
Through each day
I woke
Drank coffee
No breakfast
Sat and pondered
Until noon
In deep depression
your decision
Fatal to me
Egg
The cosmic egg is cracked
Its yolk rots
into a putrid suppurating mass
Reeking sulfur stench
It was never fertilized
Never felt the lustful thrusts
Of male genitalia
Never peaked on blissful mountaintops
Its tomorrows collapsed
into a void
Absent of time and space
I have picked the elephant from the plum
Extracted the enormity of universe
from elemental particle chaos
Fabricated, in my mind
the information generating matrix
Of emergent macroscopic phenomena
to realize that in recurrent time-involved
evolutionarily biased processes
Fate Knocks
Maalox
Krytox
Furled frocks
Goldilocks
Foreign docks
Fur smocks
Suck cocks
Stare shocks
Fate knocks
This passion supplants all power of reason
Her soul, chained to mine
In a spiral of annihilating reality
The fact of flesh
Hers to his
A confusion of jealous anger
Obscured once again
By her fertile femininity
My draining lust
For her sighs and thighs
Few
Those that have a love
Those fortunate few
May we keep their love
Through dust and dew
For some will take their love
Through destiny’s due
Glistening green frog
perched on bank of pond
Gold and black rivulets
along head and down her back
Shine with exotic complexity
Methane bubbles sparsely
from sunken leaves
Through algae strung webs
a vast maze for protozoa
and dragonfly nymphs
These defy the smooth and square
formed by human hands
The key to happiness
is never to forget
That youthful energy and innocence
The vibrating essence of erotic excitement
Generates our life-preserving force
If she would have me for dinner
Feasting on food’s carnal pleasures
I would say yes
If I could have you for hours
Subjecting you to stories
Of models of our love
If I could have you for seconds
Saying to me only
I haven’t seen you for a while
Her Song
Shapely thighs
curved breasts
She sings and plays
with the classical masters
Although not in their genre
She experiences
emotes
effuses
her own personal trip to success
Caters to her customers
Entreats
entices
Multitudes of male listeners
Waiting for that next glance
That next injection
next infection
Of unbridled lust
Luring them in
to a musical paradise
Of stunned sensual sequestration
Strumming again
Not for money
Not for lust
But only to pursue
that elusive quality
of human emotion
Perfection
embraced in the song
Of eons in the stream
To express that rare quality
of human emotional perception
Which draw death and life together
To form the never-ending pattern
of eternal human progress
Realization of clear musical effusive essence
Played through voice
through guitar
In a rhythm of sensual excitement
Drawing the soul further and further
Into the abyss
Of musically perfected dynamics
Abstraction
Wondering whether to ponder that lost lover
To isolate the self to a pure abstracted
Essence of rationality
Destroyed by art
I am a ravenous beast
that has lost its fear of death
Scaling mountains
jumping from cliffs
drinking poison
Ripping feathers from Salmonella chicken
I drink from toilets full of shit
Scrape and eat the scum
from sidewalk cracks
Fry my brain
with drugs and electrical current
Pick at postulant sores of passing strangers
Slice the sex organs from white poodles
Lick the mildew from shower curtains and sink
Suck the asshole of a cockroach
Eat worms as pasta
covered in sheep’s blood
with flies as capers
Dip buffalo chips
in a guacamole made of snot
I tried to devour the world
that had given me so little love
to satisfy this raging hunger
So, for the final act
I cut out
and fileted my heart
How to describe my love
There is a reality here
that defies words
It cannot dance to the meter
Nor glide on the rhyme
It does not yield to Broca’s
nonlinear dimensional field
No neural networks could supplant
its voluptuous plunge
It can only be imitated
with holographic icons
Ill-Conceived
Nothing is worse
than the ill-conceived suicide
Oxygen starved brain
seizes for twenty years
in an institution
Crippled brain
only partially blown
Functions
no longer so well
Scars of knives to wrists
Innocence
I grew up with innocence of love
Seeing the world as it is
Hatred and cruelty doled out in droves
Lustful desire sexing the moment
With no consequence for others’ feelings
Yet the perpetrators suffer
They also writhe in their grief
Joe Blow
Joe Blow
born a bastard
His mother suckled him
but he bit the tit
Saved half the load
to dirty two diapers
Peed every time
the cold air hit him there
Spattered his pabulum
with every spoon
Crushed the hamster
in his little hands
Poisoned the dog
strangled the cat
In his youth
He blew a cherry bomb
up a bulltoad’s butt
Drank half a gallon
of hard cider
And puked up
his gall bladder and appendix
Put sand in the Caddy tank
tar in the mailbox
And pushed his best friend over a cliff
though he said it was an accident
Before he graduated high school
He raped and killed little Debbie
after sniffing three tubes of glue
Put saltpeter in the prom punch
keyed the principal’s car
Shot heroin, coke and peanut butter
smoked pot and crack
Took ecstasy, shrooms and acid
Before he graduated medical school
He led the student riot
Bugged engineering’s mainframe
shot his wad from the belltower
And stole the brains from fifty cadavers
Lint Hole
I’ve spent too many hours
Pumping the feathers
Soaking the sheets
Coming into the ling hole of my bed
With forms of feminine
feature fixed in my mind
Imagining the soft flesh
grunting beneath my touch
Lips floating in a beaker of blood
Lungs linger capped in jars
Heart sits on the table
its chambers cut open
Listen
Listen to me
From start to finish
Don’t interrupt
I have suffered
Unfulfilled
Through the most intense
Infatuation of my life
You were a supernatural spirit
That pierced my heart
Ravaged my reserve
Strangled my desire for others
The lone press of myself
Through psychic space
Drew tears from pandas
Flew on wings of dragonflies
To rest gently on buds of rose
Dodging the thorns
Then, carried off
on leg of bee
From blossom to blossom
Collecting
a thick yellow shield
Of pollen
Soaring by ray of sun
To beam from cumulus thunderheads
In over-arcing towers
That shed a thin mist
Of moist freshness
Through the air
To rest on shoulders
Of friends
Stroking my desire
These words of love for you
Lost poetry in forgotten languages
These words to you now will not reach
Feather fallen from a bird in flight
Wafts gently to and fro downward
Settles on stream where currents
Eddying, dance it to a lake of minnows
Nipping at the fringe
Our mission in life is to writhe
Temporarily
Within a shell of chaos
Savoring those pleasures of the flesh
That would allow us to procreate
That is what is selected
All else dies out
in the brutal maelstrom of evolution
So we now cherish these rare moments
of unrequited love leading to death
We are deluded, bound by chains
of desire and expectation
That suck us from the pure reality
Mold
The world can be anything
You want it to be
Just mold it to your perceptions
~ Reinhard Palovcik
Poems by Reinhard Palovcik
Edited by Tom Miller
© 2012 FREDInk Records
Volume I of III
Age
There is no longer a way
to hide her age
Creases deepen
Folds droop
Muscles weaken
Bones stoop
Crestfallen eyes
Tire with the light
Blink heavy
With approaching night
Her heart beats slowly
to the weary rhythm
Of monotonous days
spent in isolation
As her mind basks
in restful silence
Through scant thoughts
of his gentle touch
Love’s futile fingers
Have been severed
from the hand
that stroked
the locks of her hair
once so fair
Argugasm
The chewing crunch of cereal
Lips smacking milk
Grates on nerves
obscuring passion of the night before
The argument starts
On some irrelevant topic
checks
Loans
Bills of birds
And ascends on wings
Only to collapse into forgiveness
The slow unbuttoning conflict
Of hands to breasts
Accelerating in rhythm
To explode
Into that mutual argugasm
Art of Life
The art of life is to hurt
As many people as possible
Through a carefully constructed scenario
Partly not of our own choosing
Like Kennedy, with his reckless humanity
Or Elvis with his alluring hip shaking beat
Or Mishima with his family children and fame
Or Christ with his eternal goodness sacrificed
To ego political power
I chose to die by my own hand
But could not carry out the act
I wanted to go silently
Without all the fanfare
I wanted to simply end my life
Stop the beating heart
Quell the monsters in my mind
Eating away at my life
But I had too many friends
Had to live through the agony
of my wasted existence
Until finally the pain
Was too great
My writhing soul had fallen from grace
I no longer cared about their pain
Only my own
And in that most selfish of acts
I took my life
And left them with their pain
An infinitesimally small impact
On the seething population of billions
An unregistered impact
On love
Devotion
Life
City
Country
Earth
Planets
Stars
Solar systems
Star Clusters
Galaxies
Universe
And beyond creation
The great sexual bang
That is here
Now
In this space
Of perceiving mind
Blowing Fish
He stood up at the bar
Blowing fish and fries
Mixed with lime and beer
His aim was good
He missed his friends
Gagging and heaving
He was too drunk
To be embarrassed
In his foul brained
uncoordinated manner
He ordered another beer
to dispel the sickly sour
taste in his mind
These were friends
Who drilled holes into my skull
Four in front
To access frontal lobes
To destroy the emotional anguish
The hours of devotion and lust
The giving and taking of flesh
Two on each temporal lobe
To erase the memories
Lying in meadows among wildflowers
Basking in the warm breeze
Intimate seductive glands
Our shared bliss in bed
Two occipitally
To dissolve her image in my mind
The hair and teeth of my desire
The hips and breasts
They injected chemicals
That burned my brain
But I still loved her
With the rest of my brain
The parietal touch of your fingers
My motor cortex response
The deep brainstem pulsing to orgasm
These were still intact
They then shaved cortex from my brain
So that I could not move or sense
Deaf, dumb, and blind
No sense of smell or taste
No sense of touch
Yet buried deep
within that animal brain
My love and dedication were intact
It was only death that could part us
For but a brief time
Until we could be reunited in the spirit world
Turning in a mist
Ghostly images of our bodies
Copulating for ever and ever
Broken
All my hopes
all my aspirations
For that perfect expectation
of idealized love
To meet that ideal man
maybe tall
maybe dark
maybe even handsome
All these vanished
in the moment of his violation
He forced himself on me
I was too physically weak to resist
I screamed
I beat his shoulders
I said no no no no
Feeling his flesh inside me
Violating my innermoist sanctum
Now, I am a broken body
Broken dream
Cater
Cater to your love
Cater to your heart
Somehow the two
don’t merge into one
They’re living on the element
Of intrinsic separation
Separating song from feeling
Feeling from rants of song
Perceiving the element
Of pure instinctual perfection
Chords
Your cloying sucking depression
Clutches my heart with silken gloves
Caressing coronaries
in pulsive erotic grasp
To know that you love the ghost
Of Ian Curtis with his awkward dance
Yet projecting the most
Penetrating musical chords
If you have a common name
Your dick is bigger than most
Why else would all those names
appear in the directory
Death City
Silver smoke
streaming in jets
Passes over city blocks
shrouding bare brick
In a milky fog
The patterned blocks speak
of bleak industrial nightmare
food is flavorless
canned crudities
Drink flows from nonrecyclable
bottles of beer
Their only pleasure
is fornicating in small rooms
Their only hope
that the paycheck would never stop
Outside, cars burn slow
rumbling with putrid exhaust
Garbage piled in dumpsters
reeks of rancid repast
Gallons of shit and piss
are funneled through pipes
Coalescing into a sea of sewage
released to the ocean
The city sleeps by night
The fast pulse of ejaculation
fertilizes food for thought
A better life
for children born of gears
To find that narrow margin
That would free them
from a life of endless tears
Death Vine
As withered faces pass me on the street
My glance crosses theirs
Their drooping eye lids
Jowl sagging cheeks
Lines tracing life
are not mine yet
Their heavy arthritic limbs
Disk scoliated backs
Scarred feet
are not mine yet
With anguished stares
and trembling lips
They speak of my death
The creeping vine
that cannot be dislodged
From its hold on my life
Snaking tendrils through muscle and bone
With the slow incessant pressure of time
Cracking the cement
that holds my bricks together
The flower blossoms
And with each succeeding seed
Wipes clean another generation of memories
Tears from my mind another collection
of hopes and memories of what could have been
Disease
Take the name of any disease
Well in the pestilence of flesh
Viral swelling
or bacterial pus-suppurating lesion
On writhing limbs
Brain seizing in short circuit streak
Inner eating tissue
Doubt
I danced with knowledge
Fornicated doubt
After you left
I struggled
Through each day
I woke
Drank coffee
No breakfast
Sat and pondered
Until noon
In deep depression
your decision
Fatal to me
Egg
The cosmic egg is cracked
Its yolk rots
into a putrid suppurating mass
Reeking sulfur stench
It was never fertilized
Never felt the lustful thrusts
Of male genitalia
Never peaked on blissful mountaintops
Its tomorrows collapsed
into a void
Absent of time and space
I have picked the elephant from the plum
Extracted the enormity of universe
from elemental particle chaos
Fabricated, in my mind
the information generating matrix
Of emergent macroscopic phenomena
to realize that in recurrent time-involved
evolutionarily biased processes
Fate Knocks
Maalox
Krytox
Furled frocks
Goldilocks
Foreign docks
Fur smocks
Suck cocks
Stare shocks
Fate knocks
This passion supplants all power of reason
Her soul, chained to mine
In a spiral of annihilating reality
The fact of flesh
Hers to his
A confusion of jealous anger
Obscured once again
By her fertile femininity
My draining lust
For her sighs and thighs
Few
Those that have a love
Those fortunate few
May we keep their love
Through dust and dew
For some will take their love
Through destiny’s due
Glistening green frog
perched on bank of pond
Gold and black rivulets
along head and down her back
Shine with exotic complexity
Methane bubbles sparsely
from sunken leaves
Through algae strung webs
a vast maze for protozoa
and dragonfly nymphs
These defy the smooth and square
formed by human hands
The key to happiness
is never to forget
That youthful energy and innocence
The vibrating essence of erotic excitement
Generates our life-preserving force
If she would have me for dinner
Feasting on food’s carnal pleasures
I would say yes
If I could have you for hours
Subjecting you to stories
Of models of our love
If I could have you for seconds
Saying to me only
I haven’t seen you for a while
Her Song
Shapely thighs
curved breasts
She sings and plays
with the classical masters
Although not in their genre
She experiences
emotes
effuses
her own personal trip to success
Caters to her customers
Entreats
entices
Multitudes of male listeners
Waiting for that next glance
That next injection
next infection
Of unbridled lust
Luring them in
to a musical paradise
Of stunned sensual sequestration
Strumming again
Not for money
Not for lust
But only to pursue
that elusive quality
of human emotion
Perfection
embraced in the song
Of eons in the stream
To express that rare quality
of human emotional perception
Which draw death and life together
To form the never-ending pattern
of eternal human progress
Realization of clear musical effusive essence
Played through voice
through guitar
In a rhythm of sensual excitement
Drawing the soul further and further
Into the abyss
Of musically perfected dynamics
Abstraction
Wondering whether to ponder that lost lover
To isolate the self to a pure abstracted
Essence of rationality
Destroyed by art
I am a ravenous beast
that has lost its fear of death
Scaling mountains
jumping from cliffs
drinking poison
Ripping feathers from Salmonella chicken
I drink from toilets full of shit
Scrape and eat the scum
from sidewalk cracks
Fry my brain
with drugs and electrical current
Pick at postulant sores of passing strangers
Slice the sex organs from white poodles
Lick the mildew from shower curtains and sink
Suck the asshole of a cockroach
Eat worms as pasta
covered in sheep’s blood
with flies as capers
Dip buffalo chips
in a guacamole made of snot
I tried to devour the world
that had given me so little love
to satisfy this raging hunger
So, for the final act
I cut out
and fileted my heart
How to describe my love
There is a reality here
that defies words
It cannot dance to the meter
Nor glide on the rhyme
It does not yield to Broca’s
nonlinear dimensional field
No neural networks could supplant
its voluptuous plunge
It can only be imitated
with holographic icons
Ill-Conceived
Nothing is worse
than the ill-conceived suicide
Oxygen starved brain
seizes for twenty years
in an institution
Crippled brain
only partially blown
Functions
no longer so well
Scars of knives to wrists
Innocence
I grew up with innocence of love
Seeing the world as it is
Hatred and cruelty doled out in droves
Lustful desire sexing the moment
With no consequence for others’ feelings
Yet the perpetrators suffer
They also writhe in their grief
Joe Blow
Joe Blow
born a bastard
His mother suckled him
but he bit the tit
Saved half the load
to dirty two diapers
Peed every time
the cold air hit him there
Spattered his pabulum
with every spoon
Crushed the hamster
in his little hands
Poisoned the dog
strangled the cat
In his youth
He blew a cherry bomb
up a bulltoad’s butt
Drank half a gallon
of hard cider
And puked up
his gall bladder and appendix
Put sand in the Caddy tank
tar in the mailbox
And pushed his best friend over a cliff
though he said it was an accident
Before he graduated high school
He raped and killed little Debbie
after sniffing three tubes of glue
Put saltpeter in the prom punch
keyed the principal’s car
Shot heroin, coke and peanut butter
smoked pot and crack
Took ecstasy, shrooms and acid
Before he graduated medical school
He led the student riot
Bugged engineering’s mainframe
shot his wad from the belltower
And stole the brains from fifty cadavers
Lint Hole
I’ve spent too many hours
Pumping the feathers
Soaking the sheets
Coming into the ling hole of my bed
With forms of feminine
feature fixed in my mind
Imagining the soft flesh
grunting beneath my touch
Lips floating in a beaker of blood
Lungs linger capped in jars
Heart sits on the table
its chambers cut open
Listen
Listen to me
From start to finish
Don’t interrupt
I have suffered
Unfulfilled
Through the most intense
Infatuation of my life
You were a supernatural spirit
That pierced my heart
Ravaged my reserve
Strangled my desire for others
The lone press of myself
Through psychic space
Drew tears from pandas
Flew on wings of dragonflies
To rest gently on buds of rose
Dodging the thorns
Then, carried off
on leg of bee
From blossom to blossom
Collecting
a thick yellow shield
Of pollen
Soaring by ray of sun
To beam from cumulus thunderheads
In over-arcing towers
That shed a thin mist
Of moist freshness
Through the air
To rest on shoulders
Of friends
Stroking my desire
These words of love for you
Lost poetry in forgotten languages
These words to you now will not reach
Feather fallen from a bird in flight
Wafts gently to and fro downward
Settles on stream where currents
Eddying, dance it to a lake of minnows
Nipping at the fringe
Our mission in life is to writhe
Temporarily
Within a shell of chaos
Savoring those pleasures of the flesh
That would allow us to procreate
That is what is selected
All else dies out
in the brutal maelstrom of evolution
So we now cherish these rare moments
of unrequited love leading to death
We are deluded, bound by chains
of desire and expectation
That suck us from the pure reality
Mold
The world can be anything
You want it to be
Just mold it to your perceptions
~ Reinhard Palovcik
