UMMU
By Tom Miller
LINK: UMMU Staged Reading - Independent Florida Alligator
CHARACTERS
CELESTE A beautiful mystery.
JOHN An artist and engineer.
FRED A psychologist.
(Solitary spotlights for each character gently rise in blackness for each speaker, and go dark when they conclude speaking. No set! Black. Minimalist mysterious ambient music [Philip Glass-GlassWorks III - Island] plays gently in the background.)
INTRODUCTIONS
CELESTE
It was anxiety that triggered his constant state of déjà vu, or so they say. ‘They’ are everywhere, you know. Everything is a lie. But if everything is a lie, so is the statement. Now you know the truth. This is the way things are in UMMU, a man made universe—or God-made, if you like. But I’ve said this before. I am always here on the stage, telling the story. There was never a big bang. There is no end to things, because time does not unfold along a pathway. But back to déjà vu…I believe we were just talking about this? Isn’t that astonishing? Anxiety is what triggered his constant state of déjà vu, or so they say. And ‘They’ are everywhere. You might be them. If 'they' were anything, wouldn’t ‘they’ most likely be an audience? Observers? A collective consciousness examining itself in some way? We are made of stars. So wouldn’t they be watching?
There was a man once. He was only twenty-three. One day, he went to get a haircut, and had a déjà vu that he had already had the haircut. And then, he had a déjà vu about his déjà vu. And so on. On it went. You see how someone might become lost in such a circumstance? This is a true story.
Sometimes it is like I am reciting the words from a script. But even with a script, no story happens exactly the same way from performance to performance. There are little changes. A forgotten word, a step slightly off, a breath taken in a different place. That is the magic. Nothing happens exactly the same way when it repeats itself. Everything happens infinitely differently. Everything from each moment expands infinitely outward along infinite timelines. This is why water has memory, and in some cases, appears like solid ground depending upon what it is reflecting. Often it looks like sky, or trees. Sometimes the moon is floating in a glass of water.
The man is on medication now. He is fine. Cured, in fact. He no longer observes his world as chronic Déjà vu. He sees the world as it is, as he is supposed to see it, thanks to the medication.
My name is Celeste. I am a psychiatrist. Once upon a time, I prescribed methamphetamines to treat a patient afflicted with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He read the label on the bottle, and on it, there was a warning “Caution May cause a false-sense of euphoria.” And then he asked me, “If I’m happy, aren’t I happy?” And I replied, “Everything is a lie.” And he was happy when he finally swallowed that pill.
FRED
We saw it as several things. Physicalism. You know, a false sense of the world, the idea that only the physical is real. False memory was another. Paracosm, maladaptive-daydreaming, a fantasy-prone personality. Fact is, he had a little bit of everything going on. The details of his drawings were astonishing. Over forty-thousand. And thousands of pages of writing, right down to the smell and feel of a thing. Plants, planets, structures, even memories of characters. He wrote them all in his—um, script, I guess you’d call it. And then of course there was Celeste. Celeste, an impenetrable woman who really was the one who helped shake him out of it, because she believed so deeply in him. Because he believed so deeply in her. For him, she was really there, next to him, holding conversations, interacting, sharing dialogue. And ironically, she would begin asking him about his world, the real world, and he could sometimes tell her stories about it when he wasn’t lost in his own, when he wasn’t lost in UMMU.
CELESTE
I see you Fred.
FRED
Hello, Celeste. We really managed to save him together, didn’t we? I tried traditional approaches Gestalt, Cognitive Remediation, rehab for his methamphetamine abuse, which wasn’t the cause but certainly didn’t help—and for seven years! God. seven years—has it really been that long?
CELESTE
Time is not a bother here. You know that.
FRED
Yes, you’re right, of course.
CELESTE
Time is not a bother here. Don’t you know that.
FRED
Yes, of course you’re right. (Pause.) And I saved him.
CELESTE
We.
FRED
I saved him, finally, because it was the only way. Nothing was working. And so I went in. I read everything, every word he wrote. I studied every picture until they became real in my mind. Until I believed like he believed. We even created some of UMMU together. And to do that was what I imagine being God might be like, in a way. It felt so powerful, to be a creator of worlds, of stars, of characters, of shapes and feelings…
CELESTE
I saved you, Fred.
FRED
I saw a snake.
CELESTE
I saved you.
FRED
I saw a snake. But as I moved closer…
CELESTE
I saved you.
FRED
…as I moved closer I realized it was a stick.
CELESTE
I saved you.
FRED
…and I wondered, when it was a snake, was it really a snake? Was it a snake I saw? Or was it a stick all along. I told him. John, I said, I’m coming in to bring you home. After five years. It took me five years to figure that out. And I saved him. I set him free. And he walked across the surface of the water like Jesus Christ. And he was free.
JOHN
He sacrificed himself is what he did. There is no other way to explain it. I know the difference now between what I made up and what has been made up for me. I am standing right here, standing here right now, I know that. You all see me, don’t you? And I am okay. I’m okay now. I’m back at work, painting, drawing, but I know the difference between art and this—what we’re doing now. This play. I know that this is real, that I am standing here, that you are watching me, that I have responsibilities. But in the final moments when that bridge to UMMU was destroyed, when the door closed forever, when I realized I would never see her again except in my memories, my drawings, the pages I wrote— I asked him, finally, to tell me the truth. I needed the truth, and I asked him for it. After what he had done to save me, I asked him, ‘How do I get to the other side?’
CELESTE
Don’t leave me, John. I love you.
JOHN
And he said…
CELESTE
I love you, John, don’t leave me.
JOHN
What he said was…
CELESTE
Everything is a lie, John.
JOHN
He said…
CELESTE
Everything is a lie, John.
JOHN
This is what he said.
CELESTE
Goodbye, John.
JOHN
You already ARE on the other side. (Pause.) And I was saved.
BLACKOUT
LIGHTS UP
[Music is Avro Pärt - Fur Alina]
FRED
Where are you.
JOHN
Right here. I know where I am.
FRED
Are you in my office?
JOHN
Yes. As usual.
FRED
Are you in UMMU?
JOHN
Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?
FRED
How can you be in two places at the same time?
JOHN
One is real and one is imaginary. You know that.
FRED
Which is which then?
JOHN
I think we have agreed, that is a matter of perspective, haven’t we, doctor?
FRED
Let’s go on with the exercise, shall we?
JOHN
Okay. I’m ready.
FRED
Childhood.
JOHN
Father.
FRED
Loneliness.
JOHN
Loved.
FRED
Fantasy.
JOHN
Dreams.
FRED
Silence.
JOHN
“Painting is silent poetry, and poetry is painting that speaks.” Plutarch said that.
FRED
I have to tell you something, John.
JOHN
Are we still doing words?
FRED
No, we are not doing words.
JOHN
Then, what are we doing?
FRED
That’s just it. I don’t know, John. You’re, somehow outside of my reach.
JOHN
I’m in your office, aren’t I?
FRED
So here is what I want to tell you. I have an idea about something, and I want you to hear me out, and I want you to say yes. I think it may be frightening to you, but I want you to say yes because I still believe I can help you, and I still believe you can help yourself.
JOHN
I don’t need any help, Fred. That’s why nothing is working for you. I’m normal. I’m fine. I just have an overactive imagination.
FRED
Well, you’re not fine, because you’re here in my office. You’ve been in my office for five years, John.
JOHN
But I’m not really here, Fred. I’m in UMMU. Can’t you see it? Can’t you see it all around you?
FRED
I want to see it, John. I want to see it with you. And so my idea is that I’d like to read your manuscript in detail. All of it. And I want to study your diagrams, your artwork, I want to put it all together as you have, and see if I can’t fill my head with your world. You know what I’m suggesting here?
JOHN
I thought I was supposed to be the crazy one.
FRED
We don’t say, ‘crazy’ here. You’re not crazy.
JOHN
You know what you’re saying, right? You’re doing the old thirties horror flicks, doc. You’re up against a wall, the forces that be won’t allow you to proceed with your experiment, and so you’re going to inject yourself with the serum to prove your case. You’re doing, The Invisible Man. Didn’t work out for him, Fred. Kooky stuff, doc. Kooky…
FRED
I’m addicted, John. Just like you. I’m addicted to you, to UMMU, to your problem, and I’ll be frank. I have been taking some medication to intensify my immersion. I know, it’s crazy, Right?
JOHN
Doc. You can’t do that.
FRED
Methamphetamines. Just like you. I’m doing it. I have anxiety, just like you. I’ve already committed, so this is where we’re at. I’ve dropped all my patients; given their cases to other psychiatrists. So John, I’m focusing, I’m drilling down here John, because… Look. Fact is, I got into this because I wanted to know more about we think. Everyone, not just you. Not just me. I wanted to understand the human mind. So this situation we’re doing here represents an opportunity to unravel something I’ve honestly never seen before.
JOHN
Now, you’re doing StarTrek. Are you out of your flipping mind? How did you make my problem all about you, by the way? I’m the patient, right? You want to know how the mind works? It’s a hologram, Fred. The whole thing is a hologram. We’re in a simulation. Couldn’t be simpler.
FRED
What do you see in front of you right now? Describe what you see this very moment?
JOHN
I see stars.
FRED
Is it cold?
JOHN
Yes. But cold is good here.
FRED
Are there trees?
JOHN
Yes. You know there are.
FRED
Tell me about the trees.
JOHN
They uh, smell like juniper. They can tell when you’re looking at them. If you look at night, you can see a hundred eyes staring back at you. The trees are filled with living things, all of which I made up, of course. I know everything hiding in every tree. And it’s all connected. The universe is a brain, you know. It’s not just floating dead. It knows what we’re thinking. There’s a soft wind blowing…
FRED
I need you to tell me, I can see the stars with you. I need your permission.
JOHN
(Trailing off…) Hundreds of eyes…
FRED
I can understand what’s happening better if I study everything you wrote, everything you painted and drew. John, I think I can be there with you. You get me? That way, we can talk about things with a different perspective. Maybe make some progress. That’s what we both want here. But only if you’re willing to let me in.
JOHN
No, I don’t think so. Because this to me sounds like you’re losing your faith, and in the process, aiming to destroy mine. And I like my faith right where it is.
FRED
This isn’t a theological discussion…
JOHN
It isn’t?
FRED
We’re not talking about faith. We’re talking about mental illness.
JOHN
You’re driving your car over a mountain.
FRED
What?
JOHN
There are only two lanes; going and coming. To the right is a drop off the edge one-thousand feet down. To the left is a drop, one-thousand feet down.
FRED
John…
JOHN
Listen to me. And the only thing that separates the folks going there and the folks coming here is a painted line. So tell me, how do you get where you’re going?
FRED
I’m not sure I understand the question.
JOHN
Faith. Fred. It’s the only way. You inherently believe the person coming the other direction won’t cross that painted line. We’re born with faith, don’t you see that? You can’t undo who we are with your medicine or your psycho-babble words. It is a part of who we are. If you didn’t have faith that you wouldn’t die today, you wouldn’t have been able to leave your house to come see me. See me sitting, right here, in your office. I’m right here in front of you. Can’t you see me? You could have tripped down the stairs on the way out of your house, John, and died. But you knew you wouldn’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. You’d be hiding in a box, or you’d be dead. And what’s the difference.
FRED
I see you, then. Yes.
JOHN
You do? How is that possible. I’m in UMMU.
FRED
Because I believe in you, John. I believe in you and I believe I can help you. I believe in you so I can see you. Will you let me do this? Can I have your blessing to do this? I can’t do it without your permission.
JOHN
(Back to the word exploration.) Sounds like faith to me, doc. Okay. Here we go. (Pause.) Loneliness.
FRED
Obsession.
JOHN
Fantasy.
FRED
Love.
JOHN
Dreams.
FRED
Flying. Um…Eyes. Stars.
JOHN
Silence.
FRED
(A lingering pause in which the music takes center.)
Silence.
JOHN
(Pause.) Yes. You have my permission. Did you hear me? Yes. Doc. Permission granted. Sure. Why not? I mean, what the fuck’s the difference.
BLACKOUT
LIGHTS UP
MUSIC IS [Arvo Pärt, Speigel Im Speigel (Mirror in a Mirror)]
CELESTE
Why?
JOHN
I’m sick, Celeste.
CELESTE
No, you’re fine. I say, you are fine in my opinion. There’s absolutely no need for this man to come here.
JOHN
I need help.
CELESTE
Let me help you then.
JOHN
He’s a psychiatrist, Celeste. He’s my doctor.
CELESTE
How does he help you? He wants to take you away from me. Why, John? Why? Haven’t I given you everything I have? Haven’t I shown you a world without pain?
JOHN
There’s no such thing, Celeste. This is just an escape, that’s all. It’s a place I made up in my head.
CELESTE
Why, John?
JOHN
Celeste, I live in a box. A small box. A small dark box, alone. I paint my ideas, I paint my happiness. I paint away terrible things. I paint them out. I paint away war, unkindness, judgement, suffering… Every day on the Internet, someone comes up with something worse to do to each other. You got people killing each other over tennis shoes. Tennis shoes! They got religions, if you don’t believe what you’re told to believe, you get your head cut off. They kill kids, Celeste, right in cold blood… an indoctrinated kid who never had a chance to become something, play in a swing, hide in a game of hide and seek… and you think the Internet’s real? They’re watching all the time, they have the power, they have the tools, they have all the money, they are making bullets that are heat-seeking and go around corners looking for your fuckin’ DNA, and it’s so easy! We’ve made it so easy for these kinds of things to happen. Your face is mapped. They know where you go, when, why, what you buy. We’re fried as a species! We’ve been abandoned by our maker! Did you know, if you compress the entire history of the world down into a single year, mankind hasn’t been on Earth for half-a-minute of that year? And in that time, we’ve developed the means and the will to destroy the whole planet several times over. We are fucked, Celeste. We are abandoned. We are alone. (Pause.)
CELESTE
Something happens, someone sees it through their own unique filter differently than how it happened, they write it down in their own limited understanding of words, someone else reads it with their filter, their own limited understanding of words, and by the time it reaches us, we are in a fantasy world.
JOHN
Yes. The whole thing is illusion. Perception. Am I wrong to make it better? To make my own place where I don’t have to listen to all this bullshit? I don’t want a dog in a fucking microwave. I don’t want a grandmother punched out in the street—the punch-out game. What happened to Hide and Seek? Nobody got hurt. They just had fun. It was okay to run and hide, or to even be ‘it’. Now, everybody’s got a device stuck in their face anyway. Nobody’s here any more. We’re all hiding. And it’s all ugly. Nobody’s actually here! (He thinks, pauses, composes himself…) I’m not making sense, am I? So there you are. So that’s it, Celeste. So you see, I’m addicted to UMMU, it’s my hiding place, but then that makes this place a drug for me. It’s a false thing we’re doing here. It’s just as false as all of it. Why? Because I’m a sad, sick fuck in a box! Just like everybody else.
CELESTE
Maybe you should kill yourself.
JOHN
What?
CELESTE
Kiss me, John.
JOHN
I can’t.
CELESTE
John, kill me. John, kiss me. (A pause. Slowly they come together and share a delicate kiss.)
You can’t tell me that’s not real.
JOHN
I know. Yes, I know, I’m sorry…
CELESTE
You felt it. I feel it.
JOHN
They’re watching us, Celeste. Even here. There’s no escape.
CELESTE
I know. It doesn’t matter. We’ll paint them away, together. (She thinks about the arrival of Fred.) This man, he is not a messenger of the truth. He’s fooling you with his words. He’ll lie to you. Everything he is, is a lie.
JOHN
We’re friends. He’s not trying to hurt me. He’s trying to understand me. To help me.
CELESTE
How does he help you, then?
JOHN
We talk.
CELESTE
What do you talk about?
JOHN
You, this place, my past, memories…
CELESTE
When will he come?
JOHN
Not soon. But he will come.
CELESTE
Then you will tell me everything about him in the meantime.
JOHN
Yes, of course.
CELESTE
Everything, in detail. You will draw him, you will write poetry about him, you will paint him. I will study everything about him. I will learn, I will learn what he knows. Then, I can help you; help you to stay. With me. Here. Where you belong.
JOHN
Celeste…
CELESTE
(Kisses him again.) I will take care of you, John. It’s real here. It’s real. And John, when he comes, (A serious look.) I will take care of him too.
JOHN
Celeste…
CELESTE
Yes. I will take care of him too.
JOHN
Shh…they’re watching us. They’re watching us. Don’t you see them?
CELESTE
(Takes center stage and makes eye-contact with the audience.)
I see them all, John.
SLOW BLACKOUT ON CELESTE. SLOW LIGHTS-UP TO REVEAL CELESTE HAS VANISHED. JOHN LOOKS INTO THE EYES OF THE AUDIENCE. ALONE. SLOW BLACKOUT.
TWO YEARS LATER
FRED
Will you look at that. So beautiful…
JOHN
Lavender. I love it. I would have never thought of that.
FRED
Who’s got a lavender moon? We do, John. We do. (Laughs.)
JOHN
It’s unreal, but I guess that’s kind of the whole point anyway, right?
FRED
It’s art. It’s poetry. It’s medicine. We’re collaborating.
JOHN
Let’s go on with the exercise, shall we?
FRED
Let’s do. I want to make sure I’m actually here.
JOHN
Ha ha. Alright, so close your eyes then.
FRED
Okay, I see it all. Lavender moon right where we left it.
JOHN
Turn right. What do you see?
FRED
That’s the Morrigan crater over there. Just like you painted. Shit, will you look at that. Such detail, so huge, such dimension. Did you put anything down in there? That would be something.
JOHN
That’s right. Now step forward two meters and look to your right. What’s there? What do you see?
FRED
The colosseum. Or, you say ‘the theatre’, right? (To himself…) You’re an artist. Of course, you made a theatre.
JOHN
Yes. You see the entrance, the way inside?
FRED
Yes. Right there. Big stone pillars, two enormous carved wooden doors.
JOHN
And, never a line. Nobody goes to the theatre anymore. They’re too busy stuck face-first in their devices; their ‘hollow squares of darkness.’ The ‘greasy rectangles!’ Pretending they live in the world. They live in darkness. But hey, we’ll fix that later. That’s good, John. You see it. Now turn down-stage center. What do you see?
FRED
A great tree. Eyes, a hundred eyes staring back at me. I can smell it, John. Oh my God…
JOHN
Look to your left.
FRED
Okay. Okay. Um, left. Left, I got nothing.
JOHN
This is the garden, John. Remember? You plant the seeds here, and they grow. It’s ground zero, in a way. Try to smell the garden. That will bring it home for you. Thistle, basil, lemongrass, saffron…
FRED
I’m blocked here, somehow. Wait. Oh, I understand what’s happening. This is where you met Celeste, isn’t that right?
JOHN
That’s true. Celeste is…apprehensive. You know that. But don’t worry, we have time. I think if you find a way to see the garden, she’ll be soon to follow. I’ve told her all about you.
FRED
But you see her.
JOHN
Always.
FRED
Where is she right now?
JOHN
Standing in the garden. She’s looking directly at you. She is regarding you. (She is.)
FRED
She is, is she?
JOHN
Regarding you, yes, in the garden.
FRED
I’m going to open my eyes now.
JOHN
Maybe you should take more time, Fred. Fred, wait. Fred, don’t!
FRED
I’m going to open my eyes.
Blackout.
(The lights come up slowly to reveal that John is gone, Celeste has appeared stage left. Fred and Celeste regard each other in silence for a long moment. Disconcerting or striking music may be played here.)
FRED
I can’t see anything else now, only you. You’re Celeste.
CELESTE
I see you quite clearly.
FRED
I’m Fred. I’m John’s doctor.
CELESTE
I know who you are. What do you want?
FRED
To help. To help John.
CELESTE
John does not need your help.
FRED
He does.
CELESTE
I am John’s doctor here. I am treating him. I do the words, just as you do. I do the analysis. And he is happy here. So he is cured.
FRED
No, Celeste. He’s not.
CELESTE
He is naturally occurring here. This is his true home. He is cured here from the sickness that is your world.
FRED
Do you know what a false body map is?
CELESTE
No, I do not. And I do not care to know.
FRED
A body map is the representation of the self in the mind.
CELESTE
Is this a part of your work? John did not tell me about this false body map. He said he would tell me everything. He said/
FRED
/A false body map is when the representation of the self in the mind does not match the representation of the self in the physical world. And it causes problems. For John, possibly irreparable damage.
CELESTE
Who are you, really?
FRED
I am talking to John but he is appearing as you. Do you see? You are a false body map, Celeste. You. I am talking to John.
CELESTE
You are talking to yourself.
FRED
Then I’ll ask again. Who are you?
CELESTE
Please don’t take John away from me.
FRED
I think that’s up to John, isn’t it?
CELESTE
I will not let you trick him away.
FRED
That is not my intention.
CELESTE
What is your intention?
FRED
To play his script to the end. To finish what I started. I am here to save John from immersion in his fantasy world.
CELESTE
Why are you here?
FRED
I wanted to meet you.
CELESTE
Why?
FRED
You are a part of the puzzle, a seven-year puzzle. I read about you. I saw paintings of you. I saw how important you were to John. What you represent is at the center of John’s illness. You intrigue me. You see, you’re so much a part of John that without understanding you, I can’t possibly understand him. So I came here to understand you. Do you understand me?
CELESTE
I will not be used.
FRED
You don’t understand me.
CELESTE
I understand you. I’ve been talking to you for seven years.
FRED
That’s true.
CELESTE
Nothing is true.
FRED
That’s also true.
CELESTE
Shall we do the word exercise, Doctor?
FRED
By all means.
CELESTE
And you are prepared for this? This is what you want? What you came for?
FRED
I’ve spent seven years trying to pry him out of your trap. Yes, trap! You are the architect of this prison, Celeste. You are the engineer. So proceed as you will, and open the box.
CELESTE
In time.
FRED
Now.
CELESTE
Time is not a bother here.
FRED
You are the bother here. Open the door. Bitch.
CELESTE
Failure.
FRED
Preservation.
CELESTE
Water.
FRED
Memories.
CELESTE
Childhood.
FRED
Pain.
CELESTE
Childhood.
FRED
Small. Frightened.
CELESTE
Failure.
FRED
Beatings.
CELESTE
Father.
FRED
Whiskey.
CELESTE
Darkness.
FRED
Abandoned. It was so easy. They made it so easy for him. They…
CELESTE
Love.
FRED
Box.
CELESTE
Love.
FRED
Shadows.
CELESTE
Love.
FRED
BOX! A fucking BOX. A fucking dark Goddamn BOX! I’m in a Godforsaken BOX!
CELESTE
Because you are worthless, and that is why. You are in your hiding place. Nobody is it. Nobody will be coming to find you.
FRED
…and that is why I made it all up.
CELESTE
That is why. Because you are worthless.
FRED
I made it all up in my head.
CELESTE
To escape.
FRED
Yes. To escape.
CELESTE
Go home, Fred. Fred, go home.
FRED
I am home. I’ve only just arrived.
CELESTE
Go home.
LIGHTS UP ON JOHN
JOHN
Go home, Fred.
CELESTE
Home.
JOHN
Box.
FRED
Dark.
CELESTE
Box.
JOHN
Home.
CELESTE
Failure.
JOHN
You tried, Fred. You tried and failed. You are not here anyway. So go home.
CELESTE
Go home.
(There is a long pause. Palpable silence.)
FRED
déjà vu.
(There is another pause.)
CELESTE
(Realizing something is wrong.)
Haircut.
JOHN
What?
FRED
Yes. Say it again. déjà vu.
CELESTE
You need a haircut.
JOHN
What is this?
FRED
I wrote it, John. It’s me, John. I was trapped like you, in multiple reoccurring déjà vu. And I couldn’t solve it. I couldn’t get out of it. Until I figured out what to do.
CELESTE
Fred…
JOHN
What did you do?
FRED
You know what I did?
CELESTE
Fred, please. He keeps coming back.
JOHN
WHAT DID YOU DO!
FRED
I’ll tell you what I did.
CELESTE
Please…stop…please…I am not so sure…
JOHN
WHAT DID YOU DO!
FRED
I had to. It’s your only way out. I fucked her, John. I betrayed you. She betrayed you. That’s how I wrote her. I fucked her. I fucked her right there under the big tree in the garden. Our secret. She can’t tell the difference between me and you! I fucked her in the smell of juniper, and they all saw it. A hundred eyes watching me fuck her, John! To save you.
CELESTE
Everything is a lie, John!
JOHN
Is it true? Celeste, is what he says true?
CELESTE
Everything is a lie. It’s not real.
JOHN
If everything is a lie, then, so is the statement. Jesus Christ! I will kill you, Fred.
FRED
You can’t kill me, John. You can’t kill me because you’re not here, John.
JOHN
How could you do this to me? You’ve…stained…everything forever. I’ll fucking kill you for this…
CELESTE
This is how you are saved. It’s all in the script. We have no choice. We’re doing a play.
FRED
You wrote every detail, John. Every smell, every texture, every creature, every building, you made it all up, John, and wrote it down, but you forgot one thing.
CELESTE
John, I did it for you! To save you. You’re sick. You need help. The cage is open. The bird is free. There are the trees. They’re waiting for you.
FRED
You’re saying my words, Celeste. This is my script. (Fred pulls out a script called, UMMO. Says to John…) You didn’t write YOU, John. You wrote it all, all of UMMU, but you didn’t write YOU. You never wrote YOU. I read everything you wrote, John. You’re not in your script!
JOHN
Oh my God, no…no…
FRED
It’s a lie of omission, John. And in that empty space, in the last two years, I wrote myself where you should have been. In the empty space. You didn’t write YOU. You’re not even here. You were never here. Go home, John. Go home. Get out now! This is your chance.
CELESTE
You’re already there, John. You’ve never left, John. I love you. You were never here.
LIGHTS FADE OUT ON JOHN.
LIGHTS DIM ON CELESTE.
DENOUEMENT
MUSIC [Philip Glass - Glassworks III - Island]
JOHN
(Steps downstage to address the audience directly, holding the script.)
This is a true story. Once, I was walking down the road when I saw a snake. But upon closer inspection, I wasn’t sure if it was a snake or a stick. And so I walked around it from a safe distance.
Sometimes it is like I am reciting words from a script. But even with a script, no story happens exactly the same way from performance to performance; there are little changes. A forgotten word, a step slightly off, a breath taken in a different place. That is the magic. Nothing happens exactly the same way when it repeats itself, it happens infinitely differently. Everything from each moment expands infinitely outward along infinite timelines. This is why water has memory, and in some cases, appears like solid ground depending on what it is reflecting. Often it looks like the sky, or the trees. Sometimes the lavender moon is in a glass of water.
I am fine. Cured, in fact. I no longer observe my world as chronic Déjà vu. I see the world as it is, as I am supposed to see it, thanks to the medication. The label on the medication reads, “Warning, may cause a false sense of euphoria.” But if I’m happy, aren’t I happy?
My name is Fred. I am a psychiatrist. And I am fine.
(He tears the script in two and lets it drop gently from each hand to the floor.)
BLACK OUT
LINK: UMMU Staged Reading - Independent Florida Alligator
CHARACTERS
CELESTE A beautiful mystery.
JOHN An artist and engineer.
FRED A psychologist.
(Solitary spotlights for each character gently rise in blackness for each speaker, and go dark when they conclude speaking. No set! Black. Minimalist mysterious ambient music [Philip Glass-GlassWorks III - Island] plays gently in the background.)
INTRODUCTIONS
CELESTE
It was anxiety that triggered his constant state of déjà vu, or so they say. ‘They’ are everywhere, you know. Everything is a lie. But if everything is a lie, so is the statement. Now you know the truth. This is the way things are in UMMU, a man made universe—or God-made, if you like. But I’ve said this before. I am always here on the stage, telling the story. There was never a big bang. There is no end to things, because time does not unfold along a pathway. But back to déjà vu…I believe we were just talking about this? Isn’t that astonishing? Anxiety is what triggered his constant state of déjà vu, or so they say. And ‘They’ are everywhere. You might be them. If 'they' were anything, wouldn’t ‘they’ most likely be an audience? Observers? A collective consciousness examining itself in some way? We are made of stars. So wouldn’t they be watching?
There was a man once. He was only twenty-three. One day, he went to get a haircut, and had a déjà vu that he had already had the haircut. And then, he had a déjà vu about his déjà vu. And so on. On it went. You see how someone might become lost in such a circumstance? This is a true story.
Sometimes it is like I am reciting the words from a script. But even with a script, no story happens exactly the same way from performance to performance. There are little changes. A forgotten word, a step slightly off, a breath taken in a different place. That is the magic. Nothing happens exactly the same way when it repeats itself. Everything happens infinitely differently. Everything from each moment expands infinitely outward along infinite timelines. This is why water has memory, and in some cases, appears like solid ground depending upon what it is reflecting. Often it looks like sky, or trees. Sometimes the moon is floating in a glass of water.
The man is on medication now. He is fine. Cured, in fact. He no longer observes his world as chronic Déjà vu. He sees the world as it is, as he is supposed to see it, thanks to the medication.
My name is Celeste. I am a psychiatrist. Once upon a time, I prescribed methamphetamines to treat a patient afflicted with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He read the label on the bottle, and on it, there was a warning “Caution May cause a false-sense of euphoria.” And then he asked me, “If I’m happy, aren’t I happy?” And I replied, “Everything is a lie.” And he was happy when he finally swallowed that pill.
FRED
We saw it as several things. Physicalism. You know, a false sense of the world, the idea that only the physical is real. False memory was another. Paracosm, maladaptive-daydreaming, a fantasy-prone personality. Fact is, he had a little bit of everything going on. The details of his drawings were astonishing. Over forty-thousand. And thousands of pages of writing, right down to the smell and feel of a thing. Plants, planets, structures, even memories of characters. He wrote them all in his—um, script, I guess you’d call it. And then of course there was Celeste. Celeste, an impenetrable woman who really was the one who helped shake him out of it, because she believed so deeply in him. Because he believed so deeply in her. For him, she was really there, next to him, holding conversations, interacting, sharing dialogue. And ironically, she would begin asking him about his world, the real world, and he could sometimes tell her stories about it when he wasn’t lost in his own, when he wasn’t lost in UMMU.
CELESTE
I see you Fred.
FRED
Hello, Celeste. We really managed to save him together, didn’t we? I tried traditional approaches Gestalt, Cognitive Remediation, rehab for his methamphetamine abuse, which wasn’t the cause but certainly didn’t help—and for seven years! God. seven years—has it really been that long?
CELESTE
Time is not a bother here. You know that.
FRED
Yes, you’re right, of course.
CELESTE
Time is not a bother here. Don’t you know that.
FRED
Yes, of course you’re right. (Pause.) And I saved him.
CELESTE
We.
FRED
I saved him, finally, because it was the only way. Nothing was working. And so I went in. I read everything, every word he wrote. I studied every picture until they became real in my mind. Until I believed like he believed. We even created some of UMMU together. And to do that was what I imagine being God might be like, in a way. It felt so powerful, to be a creator of worlds, of stars, of characters, of shapes and feelings…
CELESTE
I saved you, Fred.
FRED
I saw a snake.
CELESTE
I saved you.
FRED
I saw a snake. But as I moved closer…
CELESTE
I saved you.
FRED
…as I moved closer I realized it was a stick.
CELESTE
I saved you.
FRED
…and I wondered, when it was a snake, was it really a snake? Was it a snake I saw? Or was it a stick all along. I told him. John, I said, I’m coming in to bring you home. After five years. It took me five years to figure that out. And I saved him. I set him free. And he walked across the surface of the water like Jesus Christ. And he was free.
JOHN
He sacrificed himself is what he did. There is no other way to explain it. I know the difference now between what I made up and what has been made up for me. I am standing right here, standing here right now, I know that. You all see me, don’t you? And I am okay. I’m okay now. I’m back at work, painting, drawing, but I know the difference between art and this—what we’re doing now. This play. I know that this is real, that I am standing here, that you are watching me, that I have responsibilities. But in the final moments when that bridge to UMMU was destroyed, when the door closed forever, when I realized I would never see her again except in my memories, my drawings, the pages I wrote— I asked him, finally, to tell me the truth. I needed the truth, and I asked him for it. After what he had done to save me, I asked him, ‘How do I get to the other side?’
CELESTE
Don’t leave me, John. I love you.
JOHN
And he said…
CELESTE
I love you, John, don’t leave me.
JOHN
What he said was…
CELESTE
Everything is a lie, John.
JOHN
He said…
CELESTE
Everything is a lie, John.
JOHN
This is what he said.
CELESTE
Goodbye, John.
JOHN
You already ARE on the other side. (Pause.) And I was saved.
BLACKOUT
LIGHTS UP
[Music is Avro Pärt - Fur Alina]
FRED
Where are you.
JOHN
Right here. I know where I am.
FRED
Are you in my office?
JOHN
Yes. As usual.
FRED
Are you in UMMU?
JOHN
Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?
FRED
How can you be in two places at the same time?
JOHN
One is real and one is imaginary. You know that.
FRED
Which is which then?
JOHN
I think we have agreed, that is a matter of perspective, haven’t we, doctor?
FRED
Let’s go on with the exercise, shall we?
JOHN
Okay. I’m ready.
FRED
Childhood.
JOHN
Father.
FRED
Loneliness.
JOHN
Loved.
FRED
Fantasy.
JOHN
Dreams.
FRED
Silence.
JOHN
“Painting is silent poetry, and poetry is painting that speaks.” Plutarch said that.
FRED
I have to tell you something, John.
JOHN
Are we still doing words?
FRED
No, we are not doing words.
JOHN
Then, what are we doing?
FRED
That’s just it. I don’t know, John. You’re, somehow outside of my reach.
JOHN
I’m in your office, aren’t I?
FRED
So here is what I want to tell you. I have an idea about something, and I want you to hear me out, and I want you to say yes. I think it may be frightening to you, but I want you to say yes because I still believe I can help you, and I still believe you can help yourself.
JOHN
I don’t need any help, Fred. That’s why nothing is working for you. I’m normal. I’m fine. I just have an overactive imagination.
FRED
Well, you’re not fine, because you’re here in my office. You’ve been in my office for five years, John.
JOHN
But I’m not really here, Fred. I’m in UMMU. Can’t you see it? Can’t you see it all around you?
FRED
I want to see it, John. I want to see it with you. And so my idea is that I’d like to read your manuscript in detail. All of it. And I want to study your diagrams, your artwork, I want to put it all together as you have, and see if I can’t fill my head with your world. You know what I’m suggesting here?
JOHN
I thought I was supposed to be the crazy one.
FRED
We don’t say, ‘crazy’ here. You’re not crazy.
JOHN
You know what you’re saying, right? You’re doing the old thirties horror flicks, doc. You’re up against a wall, the forces that be won’t allow you to proceed with your experiment, and so you’re going to inject yourself with the serum to prove your case. You’re doing, The Invisible Man. Didn’t work out for him, Fred. Kooky stuff, doc. Kooky…
FRED
I’m addicted, John. Just like you. I’m addicted to you, to UMMU, to your problem, and I’ll be frank. I have been taking some medication to intensify my immersion. I know, it’s crazy, Right?
JOHN
Doc. You can’t do that.
FRED
Methamphetamines. Just like you. I’m doing it. I have anxiety, just like you. I’ve already committed, so this is where we’re at. I’ve dropped all my patients; given their cases to other psychiatrists. So John, I’m focusing, I’m drilling down here John, because… Look. Fact is, I got into this because I wanted to know more about we think. Everyone, not just you. Not just me. I wanted to understand the human mind. So this situation we’re doing here represents an opportunity to unravel something I’ve honestly never seen before.
JOHN
Now, you’re doing StarTrek. Are you out of your flipping mind? How did you make my problem all about you, by the way? I’m the patient, right? You want to know how the mind works? It’s a hologram, Fred. The whole thing is a hologram. We’re in a simulation. Couldn’t be simpler.
FRED
What do you see in front of you right now? Describe what you see this very moment?
JOHN
I see stars.
FRED
Is it cold?
JOHN
Yes. But cold is good here.
FRED
Are there trees?
JOHN
Yes. You know there are.
FRED
Tell me about the trees.
JOHN
They uh, smell like juniper. They can tell when you’re looking at them. If you look at night, you can see a hundred eyes staring back at you. The trees are filled with living things, all of which I made up, of course. I know everything hiding in every tree. And it’s all connected. The universe is a brain, you know. It’s not just floating dead. It knows what we’re thinking. There’s a soft wind blowing…
FRED
I need you to tell me, I can see the stars with you. I need your permission.
JOHN
(Trailing off…) Hundreds of eyes…
FRED
I can understand what’s happening better if I study everything you wrote, everything you painted and drew. John, I think I can be there with you. You get me? That way, we can talk about things with a different perspective. Maybe make some progress. That’s what we both want here. But only if you’re willing to let me in.
JOHN
No, I don’t think so. Because this to me sounds like you’re losing your faith, and in the process, aiming to destroy mine. And I like my faith right where it is.
FRED
This isn’t a theological discussion…
JOHN
It isn’t?
FRED
We’re not talking about faith. We’re talking about mental illness.
JOHN
You’re driving your car over a mountain.
FRED
What?
JOHN
There are only two lanes; going and coming. To the right is a drop off the edge one-thousand feet down. To the left is a drop, one-thousand feet down.
FRED
John…
JOHN
Listen to me. And the only thing that separates the folks going there and the folks coming here is a painted line. So tell me, how do you get where you’re going?
FRED
I’m not sure I understand the question.
JOHN
Faith. Fred. It’s the only way. You inherently believe the person coming the other direction won’t cross that painted line. We’re born with faith, don’t you see that? You can’t undo who we are with your medicine or your psycho-babble words. It is a part of who we are. If you didn’t have faith that you wouldn’t die today, you wouldn’t have been able to leave your house to come see me. See me sitting, right here, in your office. I’m right here in front of you. Can’t you see me? You could have tripped down the stairs on the way out of your house, John, and died. But you knew you wouldn’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. You’d be hiding in a box, or you’d be dead. And what’s the difference.
FRED
I see you, then. Yes.
JOHN
You do? How is that possible. I’m in UMMU.
FRED
Because I believe in you, John. I believe in you and I believe I can help you. I believe in you so I can see you. Will you let me do this? Can I have your blessing to do this? I can’t do it without your permission.
JOHN
(Back to the word exploration.) Sounds like faith to me, doc. Okay. Here we go. (Pause.) Loneliness.
FRED
Obsession.
JOHN
Fantasy.
FRED
Love.
JOHN
Dreams.
FRED
Flying. Um…Eyes. Stars.
JOHN
Silence.
FRED
(A lingering pause in which the music takes center.)
Silence.
JOHN
(Pause.) Yes. You have my permission. Did you hear me? Yes. Doc. Permission granted. Sure. Why not? I mean, what the fuck’s the difference.
BLACKOUT
LIGHTS UP
MUSIC IS [Arvo Pärt, Speigel Im Speigel (Mirror in a Mirror)]
CELESTE
Why?
JOHN
I’m sick, Celeste.
CELESTE
No, you’re fine. I say, you are fine in my opinion. There’s absolutely no need for this man to come here.
JOHN
I need help.
CELESTE
Let me help you then.
JOHN
He’s a psychiatrist, Celeste. He’s my doctor.
CELESTE
How does he help you? He wants to take you away from me. Why, John? Why? Haven’t I given you everything I have? Haven’t I shown you a world without pain?
JOHN
There’s no such thing, Celeste. This is just an escape, that’s all. It’s a place I made up in my head.
CELESTE
Why, John?
JOHN
Celeste, I live in a box. A small box. A small dark box, alone. I paint my ideas, I paint my happiness. I paint away terrible things. I paint them out. I paint away war, unkindness, judgement, suffering… Every day on the Internet, someone comes up with something worse to do to each other. You got people killing each other over tennis shoes. Tennis shoes! They got religions, if you don’t believe what you’re told to believe, you get your head cut off. They kill kids, Celeste, right in cold blood… an indoctrinated kid who never had a chance to become something, play in a swing, hide in a game of hide and seek… and you think the Internet’s real? They’re watching all the time, they have the power, they have the tools, they have all the money, they are making bullets that are heat-seeking and go around corners looking for your fuckin’ DNA, and it’s so easy! We’ve made it so easy for these kinds of things to happen. Your face is mapped. They know where you go, when, why, what you buy. We’re fried as a species! We’ve been abandoned by our maker! Did you know, if you compress the entire history of the world down into a single year, mankind hasn’t been on Earth for half-a-minute of that year? And in that time, we’ve developed the means and the will to destroy the whole planet several times over. We are fucked, Celeste. We are abandoned. We are alone. (Pause.)
CELESTE
Something happens, someone sees it through their own unique filter differently than how it happened, they write it down in their own limited understanding of words, someone else reads it with their filter, their own limited understanding of words, and by the time it reaches us, we are in a fantasy world.
JOHN
Yes. The whole thing is illusion. Perception. Am I wrong to make it better? To make my own place where I don’t have to listen to all this bullshit? I don’t want a dog in a fucking microwave. I don’t want a grandmother punched out in the street—the punch-out game. What happened to Hide and Seek? Nobody got hurt. They just had fun. It was okay to run and hide, or to even be ‘it’. Now, everybody’s got a device stuck in their face anyway. Nobody’s here any more. We’re all hiding. And it’s all ugly. Nobody’s actually here! (He thinks, pauses, composes himself…) I’m not making sense, am I? So there you are. So that’s it, Celeste. So you see, I’m addicted to UMMU, it’s my hiding place, but then that makes this place a drug for me. It’s a false thing we’re doing here. It’s just as false as all of it. Why? Because I’m a sad, sick fuck in a box! Just like everybody else.
CELESTE
Maybe you should kill yourself.
JOHN
What?
CELESTE
Kiss me, John.
JOHN
I can’t.
CELESTE
John, kill me. John, kiss me. (A pause. Slowly they come together and share a delicate kiss.)
You can’t tell me that’s not real.
JOHN
I know. Yes, I know, I’m sorry…
CELESTE
You felt it. I feel it.
JOHN
They’re watching us, Celeste. Even here. There’s no escape.
CELESTE
I know. It doesn’t matter. We’ll paint them away, together. (She thinks about the arrival of Fred.) This man, he is not a messenger of the truth. He’s fooling you with his words. He’ll lie to you. Everything he is, is a lie.
JOHN
We’re friends. He’s not trying to hurt me. He’s trying to understand me. To help me.
CELESTE
How does he help you, then?
JOHN
We talk.
CELESTE
What do you talk about?
JOHN
You, this place, my past, memories…
CELESTE
When will he come?
JOHN
Not soon. But he will come.
CELESTE
Then you will tell me everything about him in the meantime.
JOHN
Yes, of course.
CELESTE
Everything, in detail. You will draw him, you will write poetry about him, you will paint him. I will study everything about him. I will learn, I will learn what he knows. Then, I can help you; help you to stay. With me. Here. Where you belong.
JOHN
Celeste…
CELESTE
(Kisses him again.) I will take care of you, John. It’s real here. It’s real. And John, when he comes, (A serious look.) I will take care of him too.
JOHN
Celeste…
CELESTE
Yes. I will take care of him too.
JOHN
Shh…they’re watching us. They’re watching us. Don’t you see them?
CELESTE
(Takes center stage and makes eye-contact with the audience.)
I see them all, John.
SLOW BLACKOUT ON CELESTE. SLOW LIGHTS-UP TO REVEAL CELESTE HAS VANISHED. JOHN LOOKS INTO THE EYES OF THE AUDIENCE. ALONE. SLOW BLACKOUT.
TWO YEARS LATER
FRED
Will you look at that. So beautiful…
JOHN
Lavender. I love it. I would have never thought of that.
FRED
Who’s got a lavender moon? We do, John. We do. (Laughs.)
JOHN
It’s unreal, but I guess that’s kind of the whole point anyway, right?
FRED
It’s art. It’s poetry. It’s medicine. We’re collaborating.
JOHN
Let’s go on with the exercise, shall we?
FRED
Let’s do. I want to make sure I’m actually here.
JOHN
Ha ha. Alright, so close your eyes then.
FRED
Okay, I see it all. Lavender moon right where we left it.
JOHN
Turn right. What do you see?
FRED
That’s the Morrigan crater over there. Just like you painted. Shit, will you look at that. Such detail, so huge, such dimension. Did you put anything down in there? That would be something.
JOHN
That’s right. Now step forward two meters and look to your right. What’s there? What do you see?
FRED
The colosseum. Or, you say ‘the theatre’, right? (To himself…) You’re an artist. Of course, you made a theatre.
JOHN
Yes. You see the entrance, the way inside?
FRED
Yes. Right there. Big stone pillars, two enormous carved wooden doors.
JOHN
And, never a line. Nobody goes to the theatre anymore. They’re too busy stuck face-first in their devices; their ‘hollow squares of darkness.’ The ‘greasy rectangles!’ Pretending they live in the world. They live in darkness. But hey, we’ll fix that later. That’s good, John. You see it. Now turn down-stage center. What do you see?
FRED
A great tree. Eyes, a hundred eyes staring back at me. I can smell it, John. Oh my God…
JOHN
Look to your left.
FRED
Okay. Okay. Um, left. Left, I got nothing.
JOHN
This is the garden, John. Remember? You plant the seeds here, and they grow. It’s ground zero, in a way. Try to smell the garden. That will bring it home for you. Thistle, basil, lemongrass, saffron…
FRED
I’m blocked here, somehow. Wait. Oh, I understand what’s happening. This is where you met Celeste, isn’t that right?
JOHN
That’s true. Celeste is…apprehensive. You know that. But don’t worry, we have time. I think if you find a way to see the garden, she’ll be soon to follow. I’ve told her all about you.
FRED
But you see her.
JOHN
Always.
FRED
Where is she right now?
JOHN
Standing in the garden. She’s looking directly at you. She is regarding you. (She is.)
FRED
She is, is she?
JOHN
Regarding you, yes, in the garden.
FRED
I’m going to open my eyes now.
JOHN
Maybe you should take more time, Fred. Fred, wait. Fred, don’t!
FRED
I’m going to open my eyes.
Blackout.
(The lights come up slowly to reveal that John is gone, Celeste has appeared stage left. Fred and Celeste regard each other in silence for a long moment. Disconcerting or striking music may be played here.)
FRED
I can’t see anything else now, only you. You’re Celeste.
CELESTE
I see you quite clearly.
FRED
I’m Fred. I’m John’s doctor.
CELESTE
I know who you are. What do you want?
FRED
To help. To help John.
CELESTE
John does not need your help.
FRED
He does.
CELESTE
I am John’s doctor here. I am treating him. I do the words, just as you do. I do the analysis. And he is happy here. So he is cured.
FRED
No, Celeste. He’s not.
CELESTE
He is naturally occurring here. This is his true home. He is cured here from the sickness that is your world.
FRED
Do you know what a false body map is?
CELESTE
No, I do not. And I do not care to know.
FRED
A body map is the representation of the self in the mind.
CELESTE
Is this a part of your work? John did not tell me about this false body map. He said he would tell me everything. He said/
FRED
/A false body map is when the representation of the self in the mind does not match the representation of the self in the physical world. And it causes problems. For John, possibly irreparable damage.
CELESTE
Who are you, really?
FRED
I am talking to John but he is appearing as you. Do you see? You are a false body map, Celeste. You. I am talking to John.
CELESTE
You are talking to yourself.
FRED
Then I’ll ask again. Who are you?
CELESTE
Please don’t take John away from me.
FRED
I think that’s up to John, isn’t it?
CELESTE
I will not let you trick him away.
FRED
That is not my intention.
CELESTE
What is your intention?
FRED
To play his script to the end. To finish what I started. I am here to save John from immersion in his fantasy world.
CELESTE
Why are you here?
FRED
I wanted to meet you.
CELESTE
Why?
FRED
You are a part of the puzzle, a seven-year puzzle. I read about you. I saw paintings of you. I saw how important you were to John. What you represent is at the center of John’s illness. You intrigue me. You see, you’re so much a part of John that without understanding you, I can’t possibly understand him. So I came here to understand you. Do you understand me?
CELESTE
I will not be used.
FRED
You don’t understand me.
CELESTE
I understand you. I’ve been talking to you for seven years.
FRED
That’s true.
CELESTE
Nothing is true.
FRED
That’s also true.
CELESTE
Shall we do the word exercise, Doctor?
FRED
By all means.
CELESTE
And you are prepared for this? This is what you want? What you came for?
FRED
I’ve spent seven years trying to pry him out of your trap. Yes, trap! You are the architect of this prison, Celeste. You are the engineer. So proceed as you will, and open the box.
CELESTE
In time.
FRED
Now.
CELESTE
Time is not a bother here.
FRED
You are the bother here. Open the door. Bitch.
CELESTE
Failure.
FRED
Preservation.
CELESTE
Water.
FRED
Memories.
CELESTE
Childhood.
FRED
Pain.
CELESTE
Childhood.
FRED
Small. Frightened.
CELESTE
Failure.
FRED
Beatings.
CELESTE
Father.
FRED
Whiskey.
CELESTE
Darkness.
FRED
Abandoned. It was so easy. They made it so easy for him. They…
CELESTE
Love.
FRED
Box.
CELESTE
Love.
FRED
Shadows.
CELESTE
Love.
FRED
BOX! A fucking BOX. A fucking dark Goddamn BOX! I’m in a Godforsaken BOX!
CELESTE
Because you are worthless, and that is why. You are in your hiding place. Nobody is it. Nobody will be coming to find you.
FRED
…and that is why I made it all up.
CELESTE
That is why. Because you are worthless.
FRED
I made it all up in my head.
CELESTE
To escape.
FRED
Yes. To escape.
CELESTE
Go home, Fred. Fred, go home.
FRED
I am home. I’ve only just arrived.
CELESTE
Go home.
LIGHTS UP ON JOHN
JOHN
Go home, Fred.
CELESTE
Home.
JOHN
Box.
FRED
Dark.
CELESTE
Box.
JOHN
Home.
CELESTE
Failure.
JOHN
You tried, Fred. You tried and failed. You are not here anyway. So go home.
CELESTE
Go home.
(There is a long pause. Palpable silence.)
FRED
déjà vu.
(There is another pause.)
CELESTE
(Realizing something is wrong.)
Haircut.
JOHN
What?
FRED
Yes. Say it again. déjà vu.
CELESTE
You need a haircut.
JOHN
What is this?
FRED
I wrote it, John. It’s me, John. I was trapped like you, in multiple reoccurring déjà vu. And I couldn’t solve it. I couldn’t get out of it. Until I figured out what to do.
CELESTE
Fred…
JOHN
What did you do?
FRED
You know what I did?
CELESTE
Fred, please. He keeps coming back.
JOHN
WHAT DID YOU DO!
FRED
I’ll tell you what I did.
CELESTE
Please…stop…please…I am not so sure…
JOHN
WHAT DID YOU DO!
FRED
I had to. It’s your only way out. I fucked her, John. I betrayed you. She betrayed you. That’s how I wrote her. I fucked her. I fucked her right there under the big tree in the garden. Our secret. She can’t tell the difference between me and you! I fucked her in the smell of juniper, and they all saw it. A hundred eyes watching me fuck her, John! To save you.
CELESTE
Everything is a lie, John!
JOHN
Is it true? Celeste, is what he says true?
CELESTE
Everything is a lie. It’s not real.
JOHN
If everything is a lie, then, so is the statement. Jesus Christ! I will kill you, Fred.
FRED
You can’t kill me, John. You can’t kill me because you’re not here, John.
JOHN
How could you do this to me? You’ve…stained…everything forever. I’ll fucking kill you for this…
CELESTE
This is how you are saved. It’s all in the script. We have no choice. We’re doing a play.
FRED
You wrote every detail, John. Every smell, every texture, every creature, every building, you made it all up, John, and wrote it down, but you forgot one thing.
CELESTE
John, I did it for you! To save you. You’re sick. You need help. The cage is open. The bird is free. There are the trees. They’re waiting for you.
FRED
You’re saying my words, Celeste. This is my script. (Fred pulls out a script called, UMMO. Says to John…) You didn’t write YOU, John. You wrote it all, all of UMMU, but you didn’t write YOU. You never wrote YOU. I read everything you wrote, John. You’re not in your script!
JOHN
Oh my God, no…no…
FRED
It’s a lie of omission, John. And in that empty space, in the last two years, I wrote myself where you should have been. In the empty space. You didn’t write YOU. You’re not even here. You were never here. Go home, John. Go home. Get out now! This is your chance.
CELESTE
You’re already there, John. You’ve never left, John. I love you. You were never here.
LIGHTS FADE OUT ON JOHN.
LIGHTS DIM ON CELESTE.
DENOUEMENT
MUSIC [Philip Glass - Glassworks III - Island]
JOHN
(Steps downstage to address the audience directly, holding the script.)
This is a true story. Once, I was walking down the road when I saw a snake. But upon closer inspection, I wasn’t sure if it was a snake or a stick. And so I walked around it from a safe distance.
Sometimes it is like I am reciting words from a script. But even with a script, no story happens exactly the same way from performance to performance; there are little changes. A forgotten word, a step slightly off, a breath taken in a different place. That is the magic. Nothing happens exactly the same way when it repeats itself, it happens infinitely differently. Everything from each moment expands infinitely outward along infinite timelines. This is why water has memory, and in some cases, appears like solid ground depending on what it is reflecting. Often it looks like the sky, or the trees. Sometimes the lavender moon is in a glass of water.
I am fine. Cured, in fact. I no longer observe my world as chronic Déjà vu. I see the world as it is, as I am supposed to see it, thanks to the medication. The label on the medication reads, “Warning, may cause a false sense of euphoria.” But if I’m happy, aren’t I happy?
My name is Fred. I am a psychiatrist. And I am fine.
(He tears the script in two and lets it drop gently from each hand to the floor.)
BLACK OUT
