i almost have everything i have ever wanted. that is the nature of my life. someone said, "i could use a blow job right now," and really, who couldn't? i want everyone to have a blow job.
my heart is broken for no good reason. i almost have everything i have ever wanted. i have friends, lovers, stalkers, a roof over my head...i play the victim even when there are victims worse than me, people missing hands who set themselves on fire for something they believe in, to have such conviction, i don't have that. fuck that. i'm not setting myself on fire unless it's an accident and then i'll be screaming, "no! no!" i'll go out like a chicken. a fucking yellow chicken. fucking fucking, go out fucking like a yellow chicken.
dystopia. does that mean anything? let me check the big book...spellchecker doesn't believe in it. turns out it's true: oppressive control systems. yeah, that sounds right. i am being conspired against. by me. i'm keeping me down in the art...just below sea level. the air is just above the water line. i remember a guy who told me, "i'm gonna' dunk you under four times and only pull you up once." i said that.
and man, i can not tell you how beautiful he is. what a mystery. i love a good mystery. seems to me that if you solved all the mysteries, we would be living in a buffet line at a chinese restaurant run by indonesian purple jews. even i don't know what that means. is everybody just trying to get a blow job?
when you are that beautiful, something is bound to go wrong. all the beautiful people i see on television or in magazines, when i see them in person, they look like shiny rubber monkeys. they sprayed them down with mace on black friday, and nobody ever made it to the two-dollar waffle-maker. pity.