Rant on St. Patrick's Day

Maude's Cafe - the known center of the universe. Started the day right with an Old Milwaukee tallboy and a double side order of bacon. There's nothing special about the bender I'm about to embark on. I'm Irish, I do it every day. Kind of in the dumps because someone I adore is losing interest in me. I can just hear it in the voice. I'm very sensitive to subtext and metalanguage. I've done something wrong. It's the worst pain not knowing what it is that is crushing my heart into a black singularity. If it gets to that point, there is no choice but to be sucked in and then that's the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning...whatever universes do when they die. There is a mass delusion going on that I'm getting older. Everybody sees it but me. I'm still somewhere on a playground wondering if that first kiss will be as magical as it was in the movies. What if everyone believes I'm dead? Then where would I be?

Oh well, nothing can be done about it. I've seen the trend and it always works the same way. I become irrelevant and unloved. I probably deserve it. I'm not such a great person. I'm the sinner Jesus was talking about in the bible. I've hit all ten on the stone tablets. I haven't killed anyone, but I'm sure I caused someone's death somehow. I've certainly been blamed. But the world is interconnected on the quantum level anyway and we're all the cause of each others' smiles and sorrows. There is no way to escape responsibility even though we are each alone in our reality caves. I hope it's not too late for love.

I hope I'm not dead yet. There must be some way to fix the radioactivity plumes in the ocean.