Just read about a Senator who claims that giving breast milk to gay people will cure them of 'gay' in most cases. Turns out it was a fake article, but nobody believed it, because it was the same senator who said pregnancy from 'legitimate rape' is rare. Also today, a guy who dressed up as a Florida skunk ape was run over by two cars. His reason for doing so was he wanted people to think they saw a skunk ape. Makes all kinds of sense to me. Allegedly, there is a video showing Prince Harry cavorting around with some hot women. Makes me sick someone would take a video without the Prince's knowledge and peddle it to dirty tabloids for money. This person is a huge douche bag, that's for sure. I can't wait to see it! A hurricane almost hit the Republican convention, but missed and is now headed to New Orleans, presumably to destroy more sinners. Samuel L. Jackson tweeted that he wondered why the GOP was spared, and actress Ellen Barken tweeted “C’mon #Isaac! Wash every pro-life, anti-education, anti-woman, xenophobic, gay-bashing, racist SOB right into the ocean! #RNC ”. She was really hot in that movie, Sea of Love. I thought she was the killer for most of the movie. Turns out, she's just a drunk old tweeter. National Geographic is sending tweets into space, and with tweets like these, we're fucking doomed if there is intelligent life out there. A study came out that says smoking pot permanently reduces IQ. They are saying the same thing about fluoride in the water. I thought that as people lived in the United States, their IQ naturally drops from simply interacting with current popular culture. At least that's what made ME stupid. Where did I put that joint? StarWars is coming out again, after coming out before, and then before that. This time, they are going to change more things, add more CGI, produce it in glorious 3-D, and it will include a one frame shot of George Lucas' penis. God, I can not wait! Vanilla Ice now renovates homes, and he's got a TV show where he flips houses. He was so good in Ninja Turtles II, back when he was a great white rapper. Here are some of his amazing lyrics:

"Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby
All right stop, Collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo -- I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle"
~ Vanilla Ice - from 'Ice Ice Baby'

I love waxing my chump. And I love flowing like a harpoon. When harpoons flow, it's like they are not made of anodized aluminum and are actually made of liquid. It's a clear metaphor, but what's a metaphor? Phor nothing of quality, so far as I can tell. What else is happening in the world important enough to mention in this blog? Oh yeah. Rosie O'Donnell got married to her long-time girlfriend, and had a heart attack. I found out about this on her Twitter feed, which is, presumably, also going out into space. I hope the aliens will discover this soon and zap us already, before someone smokes pot and gets dumb enough to eat someone's face off. That's not even funny, because that shit happened.

TODAY ONLY!

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Hi blog. Been awhile. Here at Maude's Cafe, the known center of the universe in Gainesville, Florida. Heineken Light stands at the ready. Managed to upload a good 12 or so full archive albums to a really neat online community called HulkShare. Here's the link: http://www.hulkshare.com/userPlaylist.php?uid=1071733

I'm a little depressed today, blog. You're the only one I can trust.

A man just walked in with a small bunny on his shoulder. This is normal for the G'vlle.

Nothing is coming in words for me to complain with except to say, where is the fucking love? (Oh, and the money.) There's a great lobster special at Paramount Grill (great Gainesville restaurant) and I have no money to get it. You can not imagine the pain this causes me. Even if I managed to raise the funds, every bite would be sadness because I would be there alone. At least that guy has a bunny. I just have this beer, and you, blog.

Hey blog, wanna' fuck? Yeah, I didn't think so. Me neither, I guess. I now see why I haven't been maintaining you, blog, on a regular basis. The talent is gone. Well, Heineken Light, I guess it's just you and me.