EXTERIOR: SHIP COMES INTO VIEW. CAMERA PANS IN FROM SPACE THROUGH PORT WINDOW IN TIGHT-SHOT - LANDS ON KIRK AND COMPANY, EACH HOLDING PHASERS POINTED AT EACH OTHER. MUSIC: DICK IN A BOX (LONELY ISLAND - 2009).
KIRK: NOW WHAT, GENTLEMEN?
UHURA: DROP YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' GUN, MOTHERFUCKER.
KIRK: YOU DROP YOUR...MOTHERFUCKIN...........GUN.............BITCH.
UHURA: IF YOU GONNA' TALK, TALK RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER. YOU TALK LIKE YOU GOT A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH.
SULU: BOTH Y'ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP.
SCOTTY: NOW LOOK HERE, I MAY BE DRUNK, BUT I AIN'T NO DRUNK.
SPOCK: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU DRUNK MOTHERFUCKER. LOGIC DICTATES...
SCOTTY: LOGIC DICTATES YOUR DICK.
SPOCK: CLEARLY, YOU ARE INTOXICATED AND IRISH.
SCOTTY: ARE YOU SLURRING ME, YOU POINTED EARED MOTHERFUCKER?
SPOCK: IT IS YOU WHO ARE SLURRING.
UHURA: WHOM, MOTHERFUCKER. WHOM!
KIRK: NOW LET'S WAIT JUST A MINUTE HERE. WHO HAS SEEN ALL OF EL TOPO?
UHURA: EL TOPO?
KIRK: JODOROWSKY. HELLO! THE MOVIE EBERT CALLED "ECHOES OF GODARD'S “PIERROT LE FOU!"
SPOCK: CLEARLY THIS IS AN EFFORT TO DISTRACT FROM THE CURRENT PREDICAMENT.
SCOTTY: I'LL DISCRACT YOUR PREDICAMENT.
KIRK: HEAR ME OUT. FOUR-OUT-OF-FOUR STARS, BITCH. IF IT WASN'T FOR JOHN LENNON, FILM WOULDN'T OF SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY. JOHN LENNON!
UHURA: BULLSHIT!
KIRK: I KID. THEE............NOT.
UHURA: WHY YOU ALWAYS TALKING ALL FUNNY LIKE YOU GOT A WIRE LOOSE IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' HEAD? KIRK, YOU VERKLEMPT AS SHIT.
SCOTTY: I'M NOT DRUNK, ALL YOU BITCHES.
UHURA: AIN'T NOBODY TALKING TO YOU.
KIRK: MAY I CONTINUE? EL TOPO. INSPIRED PETER GABRIEL TO DO GENESIS' "THE LAMB LIES DOWN ON BROADWAY." BEST PROG ALBUM OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY. EL TOPO, THE MOLE, RIGHT? IT'S A RIFF ON UNDERGROUND CINEMA OF THE DAY. RIGHT? SO HERE'S JODOROWSKY'S MOLE, DIGGING FROM UNDERGROUND TO THE SURFACE - JUST LIKE UNDERGROUND CINEMA. UP THROUGH THE DARKNESS, INTO THE LIGHT. THAT'S THE TROPE. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'. LOW BUDGET FILM SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY, FINALLY MAKING SOME MONEY. NOW HEAR ME OUT, DON'T SHOOT. NOBODY SHOOT...NOBODY....................SHOOT...
[ACTION: EVERYBODY SHOOTS EVERYBODY ELSE IN FACE AND BODY, BLOOD SPLATTERS SCREEN - ADD J.J. ABRAMS-STYLE LENS REFLECTION. SUDDENLY, MUSIC STOPS COLD. SCENE QUICK-CUT TO OUTER SPACE. CUE NEXT MUSIC: OPENING TRACK "PRELUDE" CLONES OF DR. FUNKENSTEIN (PARLIAMENT, 1976)
CONTENT ENDS HERE...
KIRK: NOW WHAT, GENTLEMEN?
UHURA: DROP YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' GUN, MOTHERFUCKER.
KIRK: YOU DROP YOUR...MOTHERFUCKIN...........GUN.............BITCH.
UHURA: IF YOU GONNA' TALK, TALK RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER. YOU TALK LIKE YOU GOT A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH.
SULU: BOTH Y'ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP.
SCOTTY: NOW LOOK HERE, I MAY BE DRUNK, BUT I AIN'T NO DRUNK.
SPOCK: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU DRUNK MOTHERFUCKER. LOGIC DICTATES...
SCOTTY: LOGIC DICTATES YOUR DICK.
SPOCK: CLEARLY, YOU ARE INTOXICATED AND IRISH.
SCOTTY: ARE YOU SLURRING ME, YOU POINTED EARED MOTHERFUCKER?
SPOCK: IT IS YOU WHO ARE SLURRING.
UHURA: WHOM, MOTHERFUCKER. WHOM!
KIRK: NOW LET'S WAIT JUST A MINUTE HERE. WHO HAS SEEN ALL OF EL TOPO?
UHURA: EL TOPO?
KIRK: JODOROWSKY. HELLO! THE MOVIE EBERT CALLED "ECHOES OF GODARD'S “PIERROT LE FOU!"
SPOCK: CLEARLY THIS IS AN EFFORT TO DISTRACT FROM THE CURRENT PREDICAMENT.
SCOTTY: I'LL DISCRACT YOUR PREDICAMENT.
KIRK: HEAR ME OUT. FOUR-OUT-OF-FOUR STARS, BITCH. IF IT WASN'T FOR JOHN LENNON, FILM WOULDN'T OF SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY. JOHN LENNON!
UHURA: BULLSHIT!
KIRK: I KID. THEE............NOT.
UHURA: WHY YOU ALWAYS TALKING ALL FUNNY LIKE YOU GOT A WIRE LOOSE IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' HEAD? KIRK, YOU VERKLEMPT AS SHIT.
SCOTTY: I'M NOT DRUNK, ALL YOU BITCHES.
UHURA: AIN'T NOBODY TALKING TO YOU.
KIRK: MAY I CONTINUE? EL TOPO. INSPIRED PETER GABRIEL TO DO GENESIS' "THE LAMB LIES DOWN ON BROADWAY." BEST PROG ALBUM OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY. EL TOPO, THE MOLE, RIGHT? IT'S A RIFF ON UNDERGROUND CINEMA OF THE DAY. RIGHT? SO HERE'S JODOROWSKY'S MOLE, DIGGING FROM UNDERGROUND TO THE SURFACE - JUST LIKE UNDERGROUND CINEMA. UP THROUGH THE DARKNESS, INTO THE LIGHT. THAT'S THE TROPE. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'. LOW BUDGET FILM SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY, FINALLY MAKING SOME MONEY. NOW HEAR ME OUT, DON'T SHOOT. NOBODY SHOOT...NOBODY....................SHOOT...
[ACTION: EVERYBODY SHOOTS EVERYBODY ELSE IN FACE AND BODY, BLOOD SPLATTERS SCREEN - ADD J.J. ABRAMS-STYLE LENS REFLECTION. SUDDENLY, MUSIC STOPS COLD. SCENE QUICK-CUT TO OUTER SPACE. CUE NEXT MUSIC: OPENING TRACK "PRELUDE" CLONES OF DR. FUNKENSTEIN (PARLIAMENT, 1976)
CONTENT ENDS HERE...
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