It turns out my attempts at humorous performance art were just me being a petulant asshole.
A few weeks ago, I read a story about a German Professor who was offering grants to students that would be willing to do Nothing. To me, that's already funny. Since I've made some art out of Nothing (as has John Cage and Seinfeld before me), I thought it would be funny to accuse the Professor of stealing Nothing from me and to threaten ultimately to not sue him.
He took it all wrong.
So let's begin with the original article here:
GERMAN PROFESSOR OFFERS GRANTS FOR STUDENTS TO DO NOTHING
Then, here's my letter to the Professor:
--------------------------------
RE: NICHTS IST SEHR WICHTIG - SOFORT LESEN / NOTHING is Important, but I've already done Nothing...
Dear Dr. Borries,
My name is Tom Miller and I'm an American Performance Artist.
I read with great interest your recent appeal for applicants to qualify for a scholarship for doing Nothing in this article: LINK
I must say though, I have already done Nothing several times now, and this strikes me as an unoriginal and possible infringement of my work doing Nothing.
I dare say, one could argue Nothing has been stolen from me. I stole Nothing from our U.S. television show Seinfeld, and also I stole Nothing from John Cage who inspired my work. But maybe this is all just an unfortunate coincidence. As long as you're stealing Nothing, it should not present a legal matter.
But as you can see, I have already made a sculpture of Nothing: LINK
I have also made a film of Nothing which is an official selection of the NYC Indie Film Awards 2020: LINK
And I have even done Nothing as a live performance on stage: LINK
So, while I admire the idea of students receiving money for Nothing, I'm also of a mind to sue you. The only thing preventing me from going forward with such a suit is that I'm not sure Nothing has been done in Hamburg, and perhaps the jurisdiction would not be to my legal advantage, and also, I would expect to win Nothing for the trouble. Unlikely that I will be taking legal action. I may do Nothing at all.
However, I feel my work in the field of Nothing should at least be recognized in the context of Nothing you are doing at the college, so that your institution will lose Nothing in terms of Respect and admiration for your project.
At the very least, I hope you will immediately reply and give me the acknowledgement that I was doing Nothing first. I think that's only fair.
Kind regards,
Professor Tom Miller, MFA
Gainesville, Florida, USA - The Known Center of the Universe
------------------------------------
Well, after two attempts, the Professor responded to my letter, and the reply was neither funny nor entertaining. It seems he takes Nothing very seriously!
And from what I gather of his letter, what I think is performance art and being humorous is by his interpretation just me being a petulant asshole. Here is my petulant asshole face:
A few weeks ago, I read a story about a German Professor who was offering grants to students that would be willing to do Nothing. To me, that's already funny. Since I've made some art out of Nothing (as has John Cage and Seinfeld before me), I thought it would be funny to accuse the Professor of stealing Nothing from me and to threaten ultimately to not sue him.
He took it all wrong.
So let's begin with the original article here:
GERMAN PROFESSOR OFFERS GRANTS FOR STUDENTS TO DO NOTHING
Then, here's my letter to the Professor:
--------------------------------
RE: NICHTS IST SEHR WICHTIG - SOFORT LESEN / NOTHING is Important, but I've already done Nothing...
Dear Dr. Borries,
My name is Tom Miller and I'm an American Performance Artist.
I read with great interest your recent appeal for applicants to qualify for a scholarship for doing Nothing in this article: LINK
I must say though, I have already done Nothing several times now, and this strikes me as an unoriginal and possible infringement of my work doing Nothing.
I dare say, one could argue Nothing has been stolen from me. I stole Nothing from our U.S. television show Seinfeld, and also I stole Nothing from John Cage who inspired my work. But maybe this is all just an unfortunate coincidence. As long as you're stealing Nothing, it should not present a legal matter.
But as you can see, I have already made a sculpture of Nothing: LINK
I have also made a film of Nothing which is an official selection of the NYC Indie Film Awards 2020: LINK
And I have even done Nothing as a live performance on stage: LINK
So, while I admire the idea of students receiving money for Nothing, I'm also of a mind to sue you. The only thing preventing me from going forward with such a suit is that I'm not sure Nothing has been done in Hamburg, and perhaps the jurisdiction would not be to my legal advantage, and also, I would expect to win Nothing for the trouble. Unlikely that I will be taking legal action. I may do Nothing at all.
However, I feel my work in the field of Nothing should at least be recognized in the context of Nothing you are doing at the college, so that your institution will lose Nothing in terms of Respect and admiration for your project.
At the very least, I hope you will immediately reply and give me the acknowledgement that I was doing Nothing first. I think that's only fair.
Kind regards,
Professor Tom Miller, MFA
Gainesville, Florida, USA - The Known Center of the Universe
------------------------------------
Well, after two attempts, the Professor responded to my letter, and the reply was neither funny nor entertaining. It seems he takes Nothing very seriously!
And from what I gather of his letter, what I think is performance art and being humorous is by his interpretation just me being a petulant asshole. Here is my petulant asshole face:
Tom Miller Asshole Face
Here is the Professor's reply - Grammar and Spelling exactly as written:
----------------------------------------
Fri 9/18/2020 2:23 AM
To:
- You
hi tom miller,
do be honest: i don‘t like agression and try to keep it away from me. And your mail was agressive.
anyway, here are some reflections for clarification.
The English word „Nothing“ is close to „No-thing“. The German word „Nichts“ is more extreme, it is not just No-thing, it means Non-Existence.
But, nonethess, in German we say „Nichtstun“ - Doing-Non-Existence. Kind of contradictionary. But if you delete the „s“ in „Nichtstun“, you get „Nicht-Tun“, what could be translate to „Doing-Something-Not“ or „Not carrying something out“ ... That is what I am interested in. I am not interested in „Doing-Nothing“, neither as Artwork nor as individual attitide, I am interestet in the question what we should not carry out to avoid the destruction of our planet;
kind regards
Friedrich
Prof. Dr. Friedrich von Borries
www.friedrichvonborries.de
---------------------------------------------------
My guess is that he must have used Google Translate in both directions and Google is to blame for the misunderstanding and the Professor's appalling Grammar. I may sue Google for Nothing on his behalf.
I didn't realize that my idea of performance art and humor was actually me just bullying and thinking highly of my work, sort of the way a child thinks highly of toilet-papering a neighbor's tree on Halloween even though he's doing art.
I apologized for everything in my final letter to Dr. Friedrich von Borries, and for you dear reader, please do not be entertained by any of this for you would be complicit in being an asshole, and I would have to sue you as well.
Not for Nothing!
-- Tom Miller
Bully, Petulant Asshole, Eternal Child of the Universe
-----------------------------------------------
9/18/2020 12:17 PM
To:
- HFBK
Dear Dr. Borries,
Thank you for your reply.
My letter was intended as comedic performance and not aggression. I agree with your mission, and wish you all the best with your project.
Please accept my apologies for any misunderstanding.
If you follow the links I provided, you'll see my intent was only to amuse and explore.
I have failed at other things besides Nothing, and I'll hopefully learn from this interaction.
I shall not disturb you again, and appreciate the time you've taken to respond.
Kind regards,
-- Tom Miller
Performance Artist, Screenwriter
https://millerworks.journoportfolio.com/
------------------------------------
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Nothing was a selection of the New York Indie Film Festival and you can see Nothing in its entirety by clicking the laurel. The lesson I learned from all of this is to be nice to people, and to save planet Earth as much as possible.
NOTHING TO SEE HERE
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